Begin working on special video

No video post today.  Visited Kay who was in pretty good  shape.   I asked that they hold the pills she didn't take in a drink and give to her at noon before she ate.  It was agreed they would do that.  She must take her pills.  I am working on a video from what I took tonight of real people telling how they meet the terrible  disaster when dementia comes crashing into their lives.  .

Kay's medication

New announcement

Kay seems to  have more pain recently.

Kay more normal today

Kay much better than yesterday but the question remains.

Great news

 Great news.  They are looking into the program that is supposed to be able to reverse dementia.   Kay  was in the TV room.  With the others.  She does not watch TV,   She is at the stage where she wants to be with others it looks like.  I took her to give her the treats.  I got to talking to a trainee who is very interested in WW2.  I will get in touch with him later.  He wants a picture of us on the beach.  Finally someone interested.My grandchildren dont seem to be.  My attention was on him so much that Kay must have felt left out and headed out without a walker.  We got her to her room.  In the confusion she wound up with the truffle bag.  I don't know how many if any were eaten when my attention was diverted.  It seems though there were not many left.   She knows where I keep them.  

UCLA is not a quack outfit

 Kay was dressed but in bed.  I gave her truffles and a graham cracker.  Because I got there late as usual I just stayed in her room as she seemed so sleepy. The return shuttle was almost on time so this was short visit.  

Got an email from one of Shirleys kids today.  They seem to be in a wait and see mode as far getting as Shirley's dementia is concerned.  She said Shirley knew of the dementia so I guess there is no doubt about it. When  Shirley told me she was getting lost there was no doubt in my mind.  This wait and see mode is just wait and see her get worse and worse as she dies.  I have told them the consequences of this.  It is up to them.  Getting her on the UCLA program if there is one is a lot of work.   But not nearly the work they face if she is left to keep advancing with dementia.  I don't want to be a nuisance.      

My Monday visit

 I haven't done much the past few days because things have been so mundane.  Still things are the same.  That is a good thing because downhill is the  direction things go with dementia. Kay seems to be in a steady state in her condition.  Sometimes that is hard to tell just how she is responding to advancing age and dementia.   Like today when I saw her. I found her in the activity room with nothing going on.  Just 3 or 4 others in the room.  She was just staring ahead.  I got her attention and took her to our favorite spot.  She was so slow getting there.  I don't know if this will be a permanent condition.  Has she changed .  I expect  her condition to eventually go there but she has had her bad days and good days but always came back from the edge.  I am considering making an afternoon trip to see her a couple days a week and see how that works.    

The next to last stop

 The shuttle worked pretty good today.  Both ways.   I found Kay already  in our favorite spot and I gave her a truffle.   I got there at 1 35 so she had just finished eating by the time I got there.  Except for the truffle I didn't offer her anything else to eat.  I expected to give her another truffle when I left but as things turned out that didn't happen. 

I intend to do a story on the different floors at this place.  But I need more time to acquire more information.  One of the women in the two rooms where Kay is housed is being moved to floor #1.  More on that when I get the info I am looking for.  I hope it is not the little old lady with the long white hair. She seems so lost and forlorn wandering the halls.  When I speak to her she just brightens up and has such a great smile of appreciation that someone pays attention to her. She doesn't seem too far gone. It so  heartbreaking that they are moving her down to the first floor.  That is the last stop before the final exit. The reason I believe it is she because I think that is her bed they were moving. There  are only two beds there but I never actually went in to look closely to see if she was in it. My eyes are too bad to see from the dorway.  Tomorrow I will know for sure.  The reason I am so sad about this is that she all she needed to get great pleasure was for someone to just pay a little attention to her. I don't know if she has any visitors.  She will have me for a minute or two each day from now on if she if getting moved down to the first floor. I will stop in on my way to see Kay.  I am really affected by this because she is being sent to the place they send those who are in their last stages of dementia. Whether she has visitors I don't know. Wouldn't   that be horrible?  To die alone?  The impact will be considerable on me even if it is not she they are moving. Less so because I do not know that person as well.  I know I have seen the person being moved because I have seen them all on this floor.  Is this what is going to happen to Kay if I die before she does?  I don't feel like writing any more so I will just post a picture of us today.  

No need for conversation
I have to learn to shut my mouth. 

Visit with Shirley. Kay was hungry.

The visit today was by being picked up by Colleen, Joe and Shirley.  They got in this afternoon and I went with them to get Kay to go out and eat.  I don't know if she had eaten early but when we got to the Old Country Buffet she ate like she had had nothing to eat.  I put my arm around her yesterday and felt her ribs and they seemed to be just skin and bones.  Like she felt when she was 16 years old and weighed 80 pounds.  I am really unhappy about this.  She ate well at the OCB I am sure she and the others at the facility just don't eat because of the kind of food they are  fed there.  It's a tasteless bland diet done, because for some reasons these institutions seem to cook food this way. I can understand that done here but where Kay is they should encourage them to eat.  Actually most of it is brought in by venders, bland and tasteless.  They do this salt free of course in spite Government survey a year or so ago of about 50,000 people that people on a low salt diet didn't live a day longer than those with normal salt intake. If you have ever been required to eat a bland diet you know how hard it is to want to eat like you do normally.  If you go to an institution where they care for the people with dementia you DO NOT  find any overweight people.  At least in the one where Kay is.  I'm guessing there are about 50 people there. I can not prove it, at least yet,  that not wanting to eat tasteless food is the reason everyone is the way they are. Not wanting to eat.   But I am going by the food I eat here at this place.  If they would cook food to make them  want to eat it at the dementia place the patients would not go around hungry all the time. . Every time I go Kay seems to be hungry.  I do not bring her food other than a little treat like a couple truffles and a graham cracker.   Sometimes a soda cracker.  It is the same company that owns both places so they get the food from the same vendors.  I have not paid particular attention to this up until today as  I just learned the other day that Kay had lost about 20 pounds since she went there to live.  The last time I knew her weight it was about 113 or 110 I don't remember for sure as things like I am talking about now I was not thinking about then.  But when she lived with me and she got weighted at the doctor  she weighed 110 to 113.  The reason I am bringing this up now is because if she eats when she is with me that means she is hungry. I am worried about her hurting and she can not tell me about it and I am also worried that she is also hungry.  She can not tell us about that.  Neither can the others at the facility and I am convinced that is the reason they are thin.  They are hungry and can not tell the caregivers there that they are  hungry. When I was a little kid about 6 or 7 in the depression I went to bed hungry.  I can tell you it is no fun to go to bed hungry. People over here at the other facility are not thin or underfed because they have the mental ability to eat in spite of the bland food.  The portions here are normally huge.  Much larger than needed for people who do not do a lot of exercising.   

 Friends and relatives who think the way I do about not wanting Kay to go hungry and want to talk to the people at the facility to put some heat on them, leave a comment, if you do not have my email address.  You could talk talk to them.  Perhaps there is another reason for people going hungry, losing weight, we don't know about.  It is most common for people with dementia to just stop eating and  die.  Kay is way before that but that is the way they do it. But while Kay is here I want her to be as comfortable as possible. That means not hungry.

   

 

Veterans day visit by cab

Kay

I stayed at Cascade today to see the Veterans day program.  Afterwards as it still was not 3 oclock I called my yellow cab driver Roger and had him take me to see Kay.  She was not in her room and the attendant found her in another room in someone else's bed.  I did not go in but from what I could gather she did not get up willingly.  This is a common problem with people in Kays condition.  They can not find their room so take any that comes along. Sad.  When she saw me she relaxed and went with me to the iron table and chairs in the hall.  There I gave her one Costco Toffee and several graham crackers.  I am sure she was hungry as she really seemed to want them in fact she didn't wait for me to get them for her.  She opened the package herself and tried to get one out before I could do it for her. As I was a little later than usual and I like to get back by 4 pm to get my  insulin shot an hour before dinner. I got the cab to come and get me about an hour and a quarter after getting there.  Leaving her took an extra assurance from me that I would return tomorrow.  Tomorrow I will take the shuttle instead of a cab. Sitting here in the evening is lonesome and leaving her in the afternoon is also   lonesome.  She needs family taking care of her.  Not some corporation.  I don't know how they keep the good attitude they show when I am there.  I think they do a good job even if I am not there. At times I get some treatment  by a patient  that if done by a normal person would bring resentment from me.  I have to remind myself a little to remember that they are not in their right mind. So get over it quickly.  

Kay has shown some antognistic traits recently.  A care giver told me a couple days ago that she was pointing at others in the community room and saying "bad  bad"  I have no idea what there is about them she does not like.  Other diseases have an end usually.  Dementia  goes on and on. She needs family. 

   

Ride trouble but saw Kay

I missed renewing my ride after the last 5 day period and there was no ride for me to go  see Kay today.  I called Roger the cab driver who I go with when I cant ride the shuttle for some reason or other.  I got acquainted with him when I was going to see Kay while this outfit or the county stalled OKing my qualifications to ride it.  The ability to ride the shuttle does not depend upon how much money you have just does your physical handicap quality you.  Ken Tank who was a member of the King County Advisory Board said my eyes alone qualified me to ride the shuttle.  When I started throwing around "Member of Advisory Board" and Tom started talking about going to the city council we got immediate results.  You can only sign up for rides for a maximum of 5 consecutive days then you can do it all over again. Forget to sign up and then you have no way to get there.   Roger gives me a discount so it helps a little.  So today after waiting for 20 minutes past the pick up time  I called the shuttle and found I had forgotten to renew.  Then I was told as I had been going there for over three weeks consecutively I could sign up for daily pickups and not have to do any more signing up.  I immediately got on that list.  I can of course cancel a ride if necessary,  

Kay was back in her room when I got there about 2 or so by cab.  I stayed with her in her room just lying beside her for about a half hour watching the Arts channel. She ate the three graham crackers I gave her so she may have been hungry.   Half hour or so later we got up and went to the community room where the TV is and I left her there.  It is obvious that she is recognizing the women there ( it is mostly women there.  ) and they recognize her.  I was wondering if the praise for her that comes from the help  might be just buttering me up but when patients there do  it I think it is genuine praise.  One of the women in the Community Room seconded by another one told me what a beautiful and gracious person she is. 

It's so sad.  All you need to do to see what a mean and terrible disease Dementia is just go to an institution that takes care of people like this. If you need your sense of compassion restored I think that will do it.  If we don't see it we tend to forget the misery that is in this world.   

One of the Brown's kids 

9/12/2013, Visit and observation about dementia

Don Brown, Geneva Hemry, Reta Brown, Shirley Ainley (front) ?, Kathleen, and School friend.

 I am really proud of Kay.  She never let herself go to pot.  If something needed fixing she had it fixed with the help of the plastic surgeon if necessary.  To this day she is about the weight she has been all her life. Of course her weight today is not the result of what she is doing.  Which brings something to mind I had never thought of.  I think it is astounding.  Not one of the people in her facility that has dementia  is overweight.  the only overweight people there are some of the nurses  Here at the assisted living facility they are not to house dementia sufferers although it appears some of the early stages of dementia are in some of the people here. Those people are not overweight although I have not looked at all of them. The people who I know had dementia were  not overweight.  Betty Brown, Jean Stay.  Both slender.  I have no idea if there is a connection of course as this is just a preliminary observation but I think it bears looking into.  

Kay and I went outside and sat for a while.  As long as we could before the bus came. I barely made it down to the pickup by the scheduled time of 2:30 and the bus was already there with passengers already on it.I had a decent ride while dropping off the passengers part of it through an old part of Tacoma where the people involved in shipping lived.  Well manicured lawns and well kept houses overlooking the bay.Some of the roads of Tacoma are made of ballast from the ships that came to Tacoma and dumped their ballast of concrete or rocks.  Tacoma made use of them by  paving roads in town.  Bad for cars and shuttle buses with no springs. And especially passengers riding the buses.

She doesn't look all that happy does she? Obviously before perma-press

A very unsettling incidet

A happy time

 Tom brought me some very disturbing news today.  He said Kay had to be taken to Emergency last night because she became unrully.  All 4'8" of her.  Something seemed to snap when she was asked to do something by the staff there.  I  don't remember just exactly what they were doing that set her off but it could have been to take her pills.  In either case she blew up and started fighting with everybody including  the patients there.  They took her to the Emergency room and I don't know what they did there but they brought her back in about an hour.  The reason for the blowup they thought could be due to mental degeneration as her dementia progreses, the excitement of all the visitors she has had lately causing her to resent being back in the facility.  Somehow she could be effected with her urinary infection causing a blow up.  I don't know when they determined she had a urinary infection because she had a blood test about a week ago and it should have indicated a problem.  I suppose she might have been diagnosed at the emergency room.  I just talked to the nurse at the facility and she has been sleeping most of the day.  

I have found that dementia/Alzheimer  sufferers are prone to rage episodes.  Only one or two times did I experience it with her before we came here and it was set off by trying to force her to do something she did not want to do. So I know she is capable of rages.  I had a friend in one at the Allegro apartments who was taking care of his wife like I am doing, and he said one of the worst things he had to experience was these rage blowups.  Nothing like this time with Kay but bad at anytime. 

Not our flowers but she liked all flowers

Visit today 8-7-2013

Look at those big brown eyes!

 I found Kay in bed today but not asleep.  I got her up and she was even wearing her own clothes. Yesterday she was wearing someone else's clothes.  We went out on the patio but I had to encourage her as sometimes she objects for one reason or another.  I think she is afraid it is cold outside. The temperature is about 80 degrees today.  All I could do was sit and hold her hand. She liked that and  kissed my hand or my face as she usually does.  Nothing was different with her dementia either.  After a while I told her I would come back tomorrow.  She understood and didn't object so I left about an hour after arriving. 

What it is like in an Assisted Living facility

Have you ever seen a place that takes care of people who have dementia? If not this is what you will see. I think this place is probably typical of the better ones. It may be one of the smaller ones.

The facility has more than one floor of patients. Moving from one floor to another is monitored by alarms on doors to stairways which have to remain unlocked. The elevator has a button cover that has to be unlocked with a key to get an elevator.  

On the floor where Kay is there is a TV viewing room and a dining room.Go to the TV room and you will see several of the patients just sitting looking ahead doing nothing.  Probably not even watching the TV.  Some may be sitting with head bowed sleeping sitting up.  Out in the halls papients may walk for exercise or just from boredom.    

If you decide to speak to a patient you may get a response. Some are not up to responding  Quite a few of the patients never get visitors.  

This facility attempts to provide some entertainment for the patients but in spite of this there are 24 hours in a day which leaves many for the patient with nothing to do.   

I went to see Kay yesterday and she was sitting in the dining room just sitting.  Some thought they were waiting for lunch even though they had just finished and it was 1:30 in the afternoon.  

We went to the Patio and we looked at pictures for a while.  Then she seemed to be sleepy so I told her I would be back tomorrow.  She said that was ok.

The only real way to take care of dementia is to have someone with them one on one 24 hours a day.  As that s impossible if you get a chance visit the person you know with dementia and brighten up their day just a little.  Who knows, you may need visitors some day too.   

Making friends with the enemy.  

Salzburg May 1945

Looks like I was right all along.  Now a huge survey shows that even a small amount of aspirin a day can cause bleeding or increase chance of a stroke.  From my days in TV repair I developed a nose bleed condition that was caused by allergy to house dust and cat hair.   Later it developed into an allergy so bad that if I were in a house where a cat had been living for a long time my esophagus would close up and I could not breathe.    Even after shots to overcome this allergy I was still susceptible to  nose bleeds and other internal bleeding.  So after the doctors recommendation to start taking a baby aspirin a day which caused  an increase in this bleeding I told him I was stopping the aspirin.  I had also decreased it to half an aspirin but that did not completely eliminate the tendency to bleed.  


I credit this stopping of aspirin for me not having a much worse stroke than I did have.  I feel fairly safe now that I have my blood pressure down.  However no telling what bad side effects these pills have in store for me. You can bet something is out there waiting in the wings for this 90 year old.  

Kay got a bad pain this evening after dinner but I cant figure out what it is.  At first she seemed to point to the spot in front where the shingles were so bad about 10 years ago.  Before she got so bad she could not actually tell me what it was she occasionally had pain in the shingle area and I would give her a Oxycontin  pill.  It seemed to work so that is what I did today.  But in a few minutes she came back pointing down her throat which might have indicated she was sick to her stomach.   I might have done the wrong thing but I gave her a sleeping pill hoping she would go to sleep.  If it doesn't make her throw up maybe she can go to sleep and sleep it off.  Somewhat later she is back asking if I can help  her.  As I have run out of ideas I told her I could not help her so go to bed and try to sleep.  Just try that with some one with dementia.  So her demeanor now turns to I don't want to help her.  Now I decide again to ask her were she hurts.  This time she points to her ears so I deduce she might have an earache.  This I can usually do something about by giving her ear drops a couple times and perhaps taking an antacid pill.  Hoping she will drink some water too to reduce the acid in her stomach. 
Right now she is quiet so maybe the one ear drops will do the trick.  I pity her if I die before she does and she has to rely on someone in a rest home to take care of her pains.   It could have been her ears all along. It has been a long time since I gave her any pain pills. 


I now hear her in the other room groaning which is one of the most exasperating things to put up.  I know from experience she is about the most sensitive to pain person I know of. Just start to touch her in some circumstances like cutting toe nails or other minor things she just falls apart.  So I never know how much pain she is actually in.  But if she says she is in pain I do what I can.  I will give her an antacid pill and have her drink some water to wash the stomach acid from here throat. .  Sometimes it takes two  times. Sometimes even that isn't enough but she can at least relax when I just flat out tell that is all I can do.  She has never failed to be OK later. Hopefully the sleeping pill will get her to sleep and she will be OK when she wakes up.


All surplus antiques, collectibles and everything not needed for daily living will be disposed of. We want to save our kids from having to decide what to do with it when we die. That is a time of chaos. I am listing everything at http://realancient.blogspot.com free for family and small price to non-family memberss

Man kills wife who had dementia

I read in the paper this morning about a guy named
Spelling who killed his wife who had dementia then killed himself. His situation is similar to mine. He married his wife very young and depended upon her for 61 years. We are similar but I have been married to Kay for 71 years. I depended upon her even more. This guy was from a rich well off family. Me? I was just a poor country boy at loose ends. I needed Kay to keep me on the straight and narrow. Who knows what would have happened to me if I had not had her to lean on. But I believe I am more dependent upon Kay than Spelling was on his wife. However I could never put a gun to the head of Kay and pull the trigger. She has many more problems than Spelling's wife had. But I could never do it I think. I wonder how this guy down near Tacoma was able to kill his two young boys with an ax then burn the house down around them. I cant imagine raising an ax to kill someone or pointing a gun at a person's head and pulling the trigger. That is not some abstract thought but I have come up against it in real life more than once. More than once Kay has been in such misery and pain she has told me she doesn't want to live any longer. More than once when she kept insisting I have told her I can do nothing about it. Fortunately this has passed and she returns to living in her dementia. It would be terrible to be in a condition where I am faced daily with her in such a condition. But I could never do what Spelling did. Actually I think he was in a similar state of mind that Josh Powell was in who killed his boys with the ax and burnt them to death.

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Do you have Glaucoma? Important things you may not know. Go here to find out what the doctor may not be telling you.

4 years in 3rd Inf in WW2 Go here My less heroic contribution. KE7PLR Established (born)Aug. 23, 1921

How Kay thinks

Kay surprised me twice today. When people meet Kay for the first time and may not have had much experience with dementia I tell them she is unable to have a two way conversation. I found out today that she can hold a two way conversation. It just depends on what the subject is. Kristina our granddaughter called today because she received our picture taken for her upcoming wedding on Mar. 24 and got to talking to Kay about weddings and babies and so on . I learned later that Kristina learned to sew with with Kay. Kay talked in such a way I was amazed. She still had the memory problem and asked the same question over and over. She wrote down the dates but could not remember she had written them down. But to be able to ask questions she had was entirely different when just talking about normal things. If she comes up to me she can not say what is in her mind. She still remembered today that she was handicapped because later she came in to the kitchen and was trying to tell me she could not talk. I found out that she really meant she could not convey what really was on her mind when talking to Kristina. She was very quiet for some time. She is still thinking about it I think as she seems still very quiet. This is really disturbing to me to know these things affect her. Most dementia sufferers don't realize their condition but Kay does so that bothers me. I hate to see her in that condition. Now that I know Kristina sews and is making her wedding dress I know what I can do with Kay's sewing shears. I have been wondering what to do with them because Kay would not use them for anything but sewing. I thought she had Wiss but these are Fuller Brush. I will look for the Wiss and send them too if I can find them

Do you have Glaucoma? Important things you may not know. Go here to find out what the doctor may not be telling you.

4 years in 3rd Inf in WW2 Go here My less heroic contribution. KE7PLR Established (born)Aug. 23, 1921

Kay's condition now

Do you have Glaucoma? Important things you may not know. Go here to find out what the doctor may not be telling you.

It is strange how dementia effects different people. Kay has a cousin who died recently and a sister in law who has it but is still living. Her cousin died a fairly short time after being diagnosed with it. Her sister in law is also fast succumbing to it's ravages. Kay has had it now since we moved her nearly 7 years ago probably somewhat longer of course and still can manage to take care of herself in most respects. She dresses, eats, takes her bath with help getting the water and clothes. So in a sense she is still the Kay I have known for 75 years. She still tries to read the paper. A couple days ago she got all upset when she read the story of the guy who blew up his house with his two boys inside. It took her quite a little while to stop asking wasn't that a horrible event.

One thing you can not do is order one with dementia around. They have a mind of their own. For instance she eats things I wish she would not. Like butter straight! It doesn't do any good to tell her not to. Of course I try to give her what she will eat. But whether she eats it will depend on what she has been snacking on. On the other hand she is 90 and her vital organs seem to be in good condition. So what then if she eats butter! She participated once in a UW Med. Survey many years ago about people with high cholesterol. At the time I didn't know cholesterol from a hole in the ground. If I remember right hers was somewhere up around 800 or a 1000. I might be wrong about that. I have been meaning to see if I could find out what happened to the survey and what hers was. There should be some recent measurements but have not had any discussions with a Dr. They tend to overlook these things with older people if you don't bring up the subject.

More soon

4 years in 3rd Inf in WW2 Go here My less heroic contribution. KE7PLR Established (born)Aug. 23, 1921

Kay may do some artwork.

Jean Stay

I got out the board today and got Kay to draw a couple simple pictures. That worked well but my next project is to get her to do a more complicated project.  I'm lucky.  Her cousin who is about the same age maybe two or three years younger also has dementia.  Her dementia has taken a dramatic difference.  She has been diagnosed much more recently but with a more vicious version.  She has a hard time swallowing.  She has lost a lot of weight and even though she has had it much shorter period of time it is obvious that  she is near death. Her sister in law (Betty )who also has it cant read or distinguish colors.  I'm not up to date on what else might be wrong.  Tomorrow if Kay seems OK I am going to get a real picture and see if she can do anything with it.  She draws on a board we can wipe off.  If she got really good, which I doubt, I have a large drawing tablet for her to try her drawing on. 


Today I drew her a smiley face to get her started.  If I give her another idea maybe that will work. Here are the two she did today.

Bill Sheldon June 17, 1920. April 4, 2001. Four years in the 3rd Infantry Division WW2 His story. Find it at Four years in the 3rd Inf in WW2
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