9/12/2013, Visit and observation about dementia

Don Brown, Geneva Hemry, Reta Brown, Shirley Ainley (front) ?, Kathleen, and School friend.

 I am really proud of Kay.  She never let herself go to pot.  If something needed fixing she had it fixed with the help of the plastic surgeon if necessary.  To this day she is about the weight she has been all her life. Of course her weight today is not the result of what she is doing.  Which brings something to mind I had never thought of.  I think it is astounding.  Not one of the people in her facility that has dementia  is overweight.  the only overweight people there are some of the nurses  Here at the assisted living facility they are not to house dementia sufferers although it appears some of the early stages of dementia are in some of the people here. Those people are not overweight although I have not looked at all of them. The people who I know had dementia were  not overweight.  Betty Brown, Jean Stay.  Both slender.  I have no idea if there is a connection of course as this is just a preliminary observation but I think it bears looking into.  

Kay and I went outside and sat for a while.  As long as we could before the bus came. I barely made it down to the pickup by the scheduled time of 2:30 and the bus was already there with passengers already on it.I had a decent ride while dropping off the passengers part of it through an old part of Tacoma where the people involved in shipping lived.  Well manicured lawns and well kept houses overlooking the bay.Some of the roads of Tacoma are made of ballast from the ships that came to Tacoma and dumped their ballast of concrete or rocks.  Tacoma made use of them by  paving roads in town.  Bad for cars and shuttle buses with no springs. And especially passengers riding the buses.

She doesn't look all that happy does she? Obviously before perma-press

Deeds not words

Talk is cheap,  You  know that  Rest Homes and similar institutions want to present as good a face as possible.  So you dont want to go by their claims but by the results.  By their actions.  Recognize that there is a limit to what a rest home can do for a hundred or so patients with dementia. On the other hand be realistic about what they are  actually doing for them.  One thing that concerns me is;  are they allowed to get hungry and not giving them something to eat.  The ordinary person will probably get hungry sometime between breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner but does the person with dementia get offered a snack in case they do get hungry?  That should be checked on.  I brought in a TV for Kay that I hoped someone would turn on now and then for her to watch.  They do provide some activities like coloring and puzzels for them but there are times when they just put them in a room with a TV and that is about it.  The times I have been there in the TV room they dont do much but look at each other.  Yesterday I visited Kay and brought her in to her room turned the TV on while I sat by her and held her hand.  A lady I thought was from the nearby bed came in and seemed fascinated with it.  I have it   tuned to the arts channel.  But what I was getting at about talk being cheap is when I brought in the TV and DVD player maintenance man promised to bring in a power cord so we could hook up the DVD player to the TV. My expectation was that now and then they could pop in a home movie DVD so Kay could watch her family in old films.  However all this stuff just sat there and every time we went there to visit we got all this "what a lovely person Kay is" and "we just love her" she is a dear". Stuff like that. I look at the TV and DVD player sitting there unconnected  then compare it to the words about much they love her and think of her and I say your words don't fit your actions. I want to see deeds not words.  I believe what I should hear is the truth.  There is only so much that can be done for dementia.  But what I an dissatisfied with is that they expressed so much concern but then didn't even turn it on.  Just put her in a room with a dozen others and call that good.

This may shock some people but I went out to the nearby pub and had a beer.  Many years ago when Frank and Reta moved back up here Frank wanted me to golf with him which I don't think I ever did. I know nothing about golfing.  But instead one time, and I wish now I had done it more, I asked him if he would like a beer.  He jumped at the chance.  Too bad we didn't do it many times more.  he seemed to like it.  Kay was good about doing things with her parents like having them over for dinner and other events. We took Frank on a trip with us to Europe But I think more beers and golf would have given him so much more pleasure.  Being married to a Free Methodist did not encourage these activities.  Reta did not push it on anyone   but Grandma Hemry was always the free Methodist. Until Grandma Hemry died Free Methodism was very important in our lives.  Sort of like Grandma Gudgel and the Baptists. 

See Kay here in better times.  

Chapter 8 Ft Sill done, then home for 10 days

Remember for a really, REALLY big picture click on it.
I finished with Ft. Sill training and then had 10 days leave to forget the army. But everywere you went there were reminders. I don't remember how I got home but it had to be on the train. In Seattle there are two train stations. King Street station for the NP and the Union Station for the UP. But I don't remember one bit of what happened. Kay lived near downtown in a low income apartment one of the first built in Seattle. I could have walked there from the station about a mile away. It had to be a low income apartment as she lived on 80 bucks a month with Dianne. The apartment complex was filled with war wives. I don't remember anything about staying even one night there. All I remember is a time or two we went to the beach. I remember this because I have some pictures. The strange thing about the pictures is that the weather must have been fantastic and it looked like summer. But it was in winter. On closer look I can usually see some coats somewhere. Still it didn't seem to have rained.
Naturally we spent considerable time with her folks as her father had a car and made it easy to get around.
Here is a picture of Kay, me and Dianne at her folks house in north Seattle.
One time kay and I went to the beach at north Seattle. In those days you could build a fire on a beach.



I didn't deserve such great inlaws. They were wonderful. Reta her mom saved and treasured my letters to her from overseas. Her dad was great for providing me a place to stay when I was young and no place to go. All of her family were really nice. Cultured, educated and nice to a country bumpkin. But I loved Kay and told her I would never leave her. I was from a broken home and did not want to inflict anything like that on her. Now at 86 I have the opportunity to fulfill that promise.
Here is a picture of her in-laws at a family gathering at her Grandma and grandpa's house on Queen Ann hill in Seattle. The navy guy was her uncle Harold Hemry.