Kay Aug 4, 2013

3:30 PM

Kay at relatives farm inCalifornia

 I managed to get to see Kay today.  When   I got to her floor the 3rd someone told me she was in the TV room.  The attendant said she would bring her out.  In a minute she came back and said I should go in as Kay did not want to come out. The room was almost full.  She was just being obstinate. I went in and the attendant said to her, (the others could hear)  "here is your husband".  She looked up and she almost immediately recognized me.  She reached up to hug me.  Some, of those in the room who could, began to applaud. Wow. 

When you cant drive and take her somewhere, about the only thing you can do is sit and hold her hand.  She cant hold a two way conversation. We went out to the patio  where we sat for a while.  I gave her a piece of toffee candy from Costco, cracker and graham cracker.  She might have been hungry but did leave part of a second piece of cracker.  So  might not have been too hungry. 
We went to her room where we lay on her bed a few minutes. Soon I figured I might as well come home.  She did not object and waved and smiled at  me as I left.  

More about farm life with Dad M. F Gudgel

5:45 pm

It's depressing after coming home after a visit to Kay.  We  used to call it being s"blue" .   I have the added problem of going blind and not knowing
How I am going to do my visits then. It seems to be coming on fast. The problem then is who will visit her then?  Leaving her alone has always been on my mind.  Ir'a not being in Tacoma but where she is is so far from anyone to visit her.

Deeds not words

Talk is cheap,  You  know that  Rest Homes and similar institutions want to present as good a face as possible.  So you dont want to go by their claims but by the results.  By their actions.  Recognize that there is a limit to what a rest home can do for a hundred or so patients with dementia. On the other hand be realistic about what they are  actually doing for them.  One thing that concerns me is;  are they allowed to get hungry and not giving them something to eat.  The ordinary person will probably get hungry sometime between breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner but does the person with dementia get offered a snack in case they do get hungry?  That should be checked on.  I brought in a TV for Kay that I hoped someone would turn on now and then for her to watch.  They do provide some activities like coloring and puzzels for them but there are times when they just put them in a room with a TV and that is about it.  The times I have been there in the TV room they dont do much but look at each other.  Yesterday I visited Kay and brought her in to her room turned the TV on while I sat by her and held her hand.  A lady I thought was from the nearby bed came in and seemed fascinated with it.  I have it   tuned to the arts channel.  But what I was getting at about talk being cheap is when I brought in the TV and DVD player maintenance man promised to bring in a power cord so we could hook up the DVD player to the TV. My expectation was that now and then they could pop in a home movie DVD so Kay could watch her family in old films.  However all this stuff just sat there and every time we went there to visit we got all this "what a lovely person Kay is" and "we just love her" she is a dear". Stuff like that. I look at the TV and DVD player sitting there unconnected  then compare it to the words about much they love her and think of her and I say your words don't fit your actions. I want to see deeds not words.  I believe what I should hear is the truth.  There is only so much that can be done for dementia.  But what I an dissatisfied with is that they expressed so much concern but then didn't even turn it on.  Just put her in a room with a dozen others and call that good.

This may shock some people but I went out to the nearby pub and had a beer.  Many years ago when Frank and Reta moved back up here Frank wanted me to golf with him which I don't think I ever did. I know nothing about golfing.  But instead one time, and I wish now I had done it more, I asked him if he would like a beer.  He jumped at the chance.  Too bad we didn't do it many times more.  he seemed to like it.  Kay was good about doing things with her parents like having them over for dinner and other events. We took Frank on a trip with us to Europe But I think more beers and golf would have given him so much more pleasure.  Being married to a Free Methodist did not encourage these activities.  Reta did not push it on anyone   but Grandma Hemry was always the free Methodist. Until Grandma Hemry died Free Methodism was very important in our lives.  Sort of like Grandma Gudgel and the Baptists. 

See Kay here in better times.