Aug 3 visit

The day she left me probably forever

Saw Kay again today for about an hour  She was in her room on her bed. The only place for her to be actually. I got her up and we went out to the Patio to sit and hold hands.  She kept kissing my hand as usual.  The nurse came and managed to get her pills down her.  When we went to the patio the  nurse told me she had not eaten anything so I fed her her lunch.  After showing her some pictures of Hawaii I took her back to her room and told her I would be back tomorrow.  She seemed to know and accepted my leaving.  As though she realizes the situation and understands. I was there about an hour,  

You  never know who's clothes she will be wearing.  She had on some Jeans not hers and a jacket not hers.  the only thing that was hers was the  nightgown she was wearing.  She does not pick them out so the people there are responsible for not keeping the clothes in her closet.

I am hurting less so maybe I am also becoming used to the situation too.  The people here talked to  me about getting the shuttle so maybe something is moving in that direction finally. 

One of  her music boxes

Kay is so lonesome

From now on my intention is to append a daily or whenever I post something up to the end of this post.  I will date it so in the future you can pull up  that date to see what is going on. At the moment it is all mixed up.  I spent about a half hour posting somethig today then I found it was not the top post. But from now on that is my intention.   So from now on look in this post for daily updates of what is going on.
 Back to normal post
Kay kept the staff of the resthome up all night bringing her back to her room.

When  Robin and I went there today she was not in her room or other places where the people hang out.  We walked the floor and found her around one of the corners and brought her back to the room.  We found out that all night she was getting out of room and roaming the halls trying to find a way out to go home.  Of course then she could not find her way back to her room.  All the doors look alike.  She was so tired that in a short time she wanted to go to sleep and did not protest when we said we would be going.  Robin brought me home but before he did we went to the Old Country Buffet for a last meal.  Robin came in and selected some pictures I had taken off the walls to take home.  Quite a few so that will help take care of a lot of pictures.

After posting this I am going to see if there is any way to get public transportation to see Kay tomorrow.  As it is in another county I suppose not.  I hate for her to have to go until at least Thursday before one of us visits her.

8:00 PM 6/26/2013
I feel really sick.  this day has gone by and she has been without anyone in contact to cheer her up.  Tomorrow  to take some home movie DVD's for her to watch if  some  will put them in the player for her.  I want her to stay in contact with her life before she was placed in the Cascade Gardens.  I will try to make up for the lack of contact today.

6/27/2013
We spent half a day signing papers for entry into an Assisted Living institution which is close enough for me to visit Kay once a day I hope.   Then we went over and got her TV hooked up.  She was in the community room coloring some pictures.  We had to drag her away so we could show her the New TV.  I was pleased that she seemed to be participating in the coloring exercise.  That means she seems to   adjusting to her new life.  I dont want her forgetting her family ofcourse.  That is the reason I want to keep in constant contact.  When I first said I had to go she thought she was going with me but after a while she apparetly recognized that she was to stay.  My problem now is I don't know when I can get back to see her.  Not tomorrow for sure.  I think I will try to get my mind off this and start packing some stuff for my move.  

June 28 

Packing up.  What gets to me is uncovering things of the past I have not seen for years.  We had one of her high school year books for 1939.  In one of the cabinets I found the year books for the other years she went to Ballard.  37, 38, and 1940/  Wow, I though there were others but not all.  It makes me very lonely for her.  I wish she could see them although I don't think she would recognize them.  I will look them over later.  My eyes are very bad but with a nagnifying glass I can make them out. 

Kay is gone

 Kay is gone.  Tom took her to the resthome.  I walked her to the car.  I came back to the apartment and  started taking down the poster pictures I had pasted to the walls with thumbtacks so the walls could be repainted without extra work.  I found that taking them down was more work that putting them up.  The reason was putting them up was done over a long period of time but taking them down will be all at once. In the intervening time I am 9 years older and shrunk even more  resulting in a back that is very painful.  Over the years I have shrunk about 4 and half inches.  The result the lower back  is painful. Fortunately I can relieve the pain by just sitting down.  Not everyone can do that.  
Apparently the rest home goes out of it's way to get the new person to forget they are in new surroundings without their familiar faces they know, love and trust. Tom called me a couple times to let me know how it was going. The bedding was poor so they went to a mall and bought new bedding.  Tom is planning to take me on Saturday to visit. I have created a video of my exciting efforts to take down the pictures.  I am offering them for free except the interested party pay the postage and cost of the special box they come in.  I suppose the cost would not exceed $10.00   Most of the posters are 20x30 inch from Costco so they are top quality.  The attempt to upload failed for some reason.  Generally there was something wrong with the password or login name. I am trying it again. I will post the youtube address when I succeed.  Sometimes there is something wrong with the picture addresses but I probably just  

mistyped the password.  

This is it.  For better or worse.  Last night about 2 AM I got to thinking that Kay was so easy to take care of that moving her to a rest home was a mistake.  I should get someone in to help me then we would have someone in for her and me.  We then would have enough help  we would not need to move her to a rest home.  I wrote Tom an email suggesting we do that  In the morning he talked it over with me and we decided to go with his plan to put her in the home.  So tomorrow we will do that  He will I will not go when he does that.  A lady at DSHS called and re-assured me that she would get along just fine but I would be the one to have the hardest time to adjust.  She did this over and above her normal duties and I thought it was very kind of her.  Dealing with these situations is her job but she took time out to try to help me and I appreciated it. 

7:30 p

Saturdy night I finally  managed to tune in KUOW ad the swing years on every sat night.  Everything on TV is junk.  My favorite station C-Span on Saturday is Book TV but tonight there seems to be some blacks talking about drugs about which I am not interested.  Previously they were talking about Greenwich Village in NY which I am not much interested in either.  But I turned on book tv withoutsound so if they come up with a different subject I am interested in I can turn down the Swing Years and watch book tv.  Never the less I can not excape what is coming next Thursday.  Kay seems uninterested in what is going on and has closed her eyes and is sleeping or trying to sleep. I cant forget everytime I look over that side of the bad next thursday night there will be no one there.  If I know she will not bee too unhappy being separated from her family and accustomed surroundings I can manage my loneleness.  That is what it is all about. 

about 8 I went back in and Kay was up aparently not ready for sleep.  I hold her hand which do most the time when in bed.  We ill listen to readio and watch tv silently until something interesting comes on.  If ever.

I finally gave up on Book TV as the next program was a guy from the CATO institute talking about the national debt.  So I just decided to turn it off before he got into how we have to cut the aid to old people  never mentioning cutting the massive defense budget or the upcoming war in Syria.  

Kay had sat up again and I grabbed her hand again which she always likes.  8:15 PM

Got back to bed just in time to hear  one of my favorite songs sung by Helen Forrest with the Artie Shaw orchestra All The Things You Are followed byanother favorite by the Ralph Flannagin orchestra, Time on My Hands.  Still holding hands with Kay

Morning

I have decided to say my goodbyes here and not go down to the resthome and do it.  Tom can take her.

Kay admitted to a rest home

 We, Tom and I, took Kay to the rest home in Tacoma yesterday and introduced her to the people there and made arrangements for her to be admitted next Thursday.  My main worry has been how she will react when we take her and leave her for the last time. After yesterday I am a little relieved that it might not be too hard on her.  Of course what it is all about is how I will react.  If she was more observant and knew what was going on she would no doubt react differently than if we leave and she doesn't know.  It will probably dawn on her that I am not there and she will then have some kind of a response.   I will come home alone.  Thinking of her.  How that will react on me is a question I  cant answer right now.  This is a major step.  I have photographed every stage of our life and I think I would regret not photographing this one.  Even if I have to bring my  own camera and do it.  I wish someone else would do it but I will if I have to.  

 What is it going to be like when I have to  turn my back and walk away from Kay at the rest home when I leave her.  Will I cry?  I almost cry just thinking about it. Tom says it is a good facility. But will that make any difference when I leave her?  I wonder.  I look at her now and try to drink up everything I see to try to remember when I leave.  We will see.

 My stomach is in knots.  The day is approaching when I have to be parted from my wife of 72 years.  Her condition requires that she be taken care of in a rest home.  When she cries for help and I can do nothing I cant stand it. I just fall apart.  So we are making arrangements for her to be in a rest home.  However since she has been taking an anti-depressants she has not had a migrain headache.  .  I hope this keeps on going.  Besides all this my eyes are going fast and I don't know how long I can keep independent.  We are working to get me somewhere too.  Hoowee.  there should be a law you don't live over 80.  Over 90 is too long.  But there are few circumstances that are worse than losing your mind like Kay is doing. But as the day approaches I wonder how I will handle it. I am going to document this.