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Friday, April 18, 2014

Long visit today

 The longest visit possible today.  Directly there and directly return without other stops.  She was not in any of the places she was supposed to be which meant she was somewhere she was not supposed to be.  Before I could notify them a caregiver  was bringing her back to me.  I took her to the hall with furniture and gave her a pudding which she ate only half.  She also ate a truffle and part if a cracker.  We went back and I got her a coat so we could go outside and get some sun. I had given her my coat in the hall even though it was not cold as they keep it very comfortable.  There are some new people on the floor.  Some somewhat aggressive in some ways.  One keeps coming to me asking which is the way out.  Of course I have to direct her to a caregiver somewhere down the hall.  

 I got Kay's coat on her after getting a caregiver to clean her up.  She is requiring more and more personal help as she goes downhill.  Her recognition of me does not seem to get less.  I didn't think she smiles as much yesterday but that may have been my imagination somehow. 

We went outside to an iron bench and sat there in the sun for a long time.   I had almost two hours to visit today.  I had to help her up from the bench but it tilts backwards to accommodate a cushion I suppose so it is not easy to get up. But I had to help her which I have not done before I don't think.  We went back to her room and I played half of the Messiah on her TV.  I expect to play it for the people here where I live.  I play it anytime during the year if I am in the mood. Handel wrote it several times for various reasons and people. Interesting. 

For myself I am doing so lower back exercises to fix hopefully the pain in my lower back on the side.  I did this many years ago to fix a similar problem.  It worked then and seems to be working again. I have resumed limited walking  for diabetes control.  I expect to get another Cortisone shot early next month. That will make it easier to walk.  

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Kay seems slower.

Sad, so sad.  Kay was walking down the hall, all bent over, struggling, hanging onto the hand rail staring into space. When she saw me in a moment she smiled.  Not the big smile she usually does when she sees me. Just the smile of recognition.  I took her to the place to sit down and she ate a cup of pudding, and truffle.  I took her back to her room and  we watched the arts channel.   I asked a caregiver if there was anything going on and she said coloring Easter eggs downstairs.  I didn't think she could do that.  So decided to just stay on the bed and watch TV.  She seems perfectly happy to do that. Dementia has a million ways of acting on the brain.  If she does actually get bored with just staying in her room with me which she has occasionally done she will just get up and even take my walker and go out into the hall.  Lately she seems more content to just lay her head on my breast and watch TV or doze.  She seems slower to respond to my requests to take the handle of the walker when I want to take her somewhere.  This may  be evidence of her slowing up.  As far as I know her vitals are all reading good. Yesterday I thought I would redo the video in production I told you about but today I dont like the first part at all and must redo it by adding some video during the singing.  I don't want it at all the way it is.  I think yesterday I commented on John being taken away.  Well that was just a baseless rumor or he is back from the dead becuase today he was back at his dining room table.  The only thing I know for sure is that someone was taken out because  I saw the gurney.  Like I say.  You cant believe anything you hear in a place like this. Maintenance department readies an average of 3 rooms a  month for new arrivals.  The ones who vacated the rooms either went to rest homes or the cemetery. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Walking beats the shuttle.

 Transportation was good (one way)today.  Getting there was easy but getting back took an hour and a half.  If I could walk I could have beaten the bus by walking as it is only 5 and a half miles between the two places. 4 miles an hour is a brisk walk yes but it could be done. I think I might set up a donation box so those who feel sorry can send me there by cab.  How about that???

Kay was in the activity room so I took her to our common place but someone else was sitting in one of the chairs.  This  now happens now and then because when we started sitting there others are doing it now and then.  I took her to her room and played the DVD I am creating for anyone who wants or will accept it. But deciding that it needs some major improvements before I send  more DVD's out.  The first part has a musical selection about 5 minutes long but very weak on material about Kay.  People who are not all that familiar and want to hear music from the Phantom of the Opera will get bored very quickly.  My idea is to get people to somehow associate the words and melody of the music with the love and life of Kay and me. The rest of the movie is ok but I will have to find quite a bit to put in this first 5 minutes.  I have upgraded the rest of the video with much more video and captions explaining where Kay might have been. 
It's just this first part I am not satisfied with. 

It was too rainy and cool to take her outside today.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Good visit but short.

 Got to Kay's place today late.  2:10.  She was in the community room just looking around.  I took her to the usual place and gave her a pudding which she ate as if she were hungry then a truffle and about a quarter of a graham cracker.  As it was not real warm and not a lot of time we went to her room and stayed there instead of going outside and sitting in the sun .  
They took John away today.  He is the one that hated me from day one.  I was not the exclusive object of his hate as the others at the table left because of his table manners or his hatefulness. He didn't like me because I didn't eat everything on my plate they could pile on it.  This resulted in an out of control diabetes condition for him as he ate everything.  Usually  well over 200 mg/dl.  It finally caught  up with him.  While I was waiting for the shuttle I saw the firemen and  ambulance around but did not know who was in trouble. Another person who moved from the table because of John told me about his misfortune. About three people here a  month  die.  

Monday, April 14, 2014


 Fairly good visit today.  I got there in reasonable time and got back without any stops.  She was awake and I immediately took her to our favorite haunt and I gave her some truffles over the time of my visit.  I did not bring her some pudding which I should have done.  She seems to be losing her thinking ability.  The inability to understand instructions to hold on to the walker, or other things like going with the caregiver when she has some personal attention to do with her.  It's heartbreaking to see her going down hill but you know what is coming. Leaving her gets no easier.  We sat in the sun or quite some time then I took her to her bed and we stayed there for about a half hour. I took her to the community room when it was time to go.  Usually I get her attention and tell her goodbye.  Then leaving. She knows I am leaving.  Today she was involved in unwrapping a truffle when I told her goodbye and I don't know if she knew I was leaving.  From innattention or not hearing me say goodbye.  I didn't even know she had a truffle so maybe she had confused the truffle paper with a truffle. But she could have gotten the truffle out of my bag without me knowing it. She knows truffles as she will dig into my bags to get one. 

Years ago her hearing was getting bad and I don't know if she even heard me tell her goodbye.  Of course I don't know how bad it is now as she cant tell me. She certainly knows truffles so there probably was one.  It doesn't get any easier  to leave her.  In fact it gets harder as she goes downhill.

90.4 pounds today.  In light clothes. Naked that would probably be 88 pounds. This seems to be down a couple from the last time. 

Eating out on Sunday

 Bob came down to take us out to the OCB to eat.  For once the place didn't have a long line at the register. A line but not a long one.  We were late getting there and I had told them not to give her a full meal as I wanted her to eat most at the OCB.  But she was finishing up a plate so she was not very hungry when we got to the OCB.  Still she ate quite a lot for someone who had just gotten up  from the table.  We took her to the community room as she didn't seem to want to stay in her room.  Leaving her there in the community room is harder it seems to me to do.  You can sit her in a chair but when you say goodbye and start to walk out it is easy for her to follow  you to the elevator across the hall.  Maybe because we had been with her and  we had just come back from the restaurant she is not in a mood to leave us.  There might be just something created in her mind to stay with us. But for me to look at her and force the break is hard for me to do.  It seems much easier to say goodbye alone in her room for me.  Most of the time she will stay on her bed and wave as I wave back.  Bob being there probably changes things. Or just coming back from the little trip might have created in her something else.   Leaving the community room  a caregiver will be there to keep her from following. But of course the caregiver might have to actually block her following. 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Visit on Saturday

 Being Saturday the shuttle was good.  It had to do no stops.  Other than me.  I found her coming our of her room and we went to the hall furniture and I gave her a truffle.  She seemed hungry so I tore off a quarter of a piece of Orowheat bread.  She ate that and another one.  I did  not bring the custard as the past two times she did not eat it all. I took her down to the outside area and we sat together on the bench in the sun for the best part of an hour I think.  Then it was up to her room to give me a little rest as I was sleepy for some reason although I did sleep   about 8 hours last night .  So all in all not much exciting was going on.   To wait out my stay she went into the hall while I was occupied elsewhere for a minute.  She must have been bored with staying in the room.  The caregiver brought some pictures of the place from way back and showed them to those who could appreciate that sort of thing.   They seemed to have a good time looking at them.  No stops on the way home so I got home by 3:30.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Opposition from the facility

 It was a normal visit today with Kay. The usual visit so I could hold her and give her the truffle and graham cracker.  It was sunny so we sat outside in the sun for a long time before going inside.  The big problem was here  at my place.  I had gone to the doctor this morning and got the OK to reduce my blood testing to 3 times a week maintaining the usual 5 units of insulin each day at meals.  This suggestion was from one of the nurses who notices my B/G readings are consistently good.  However the other ones when  I came back never heard of anything like this so they wanted confirmaton of his written instructons that I could get some insulin without them testing for b/g level.  To make a long story short I had to go back to the old proceedure and wait until they could contact him next week.  I was afraid they would only give me insulin 3 times a week which would destroy any attempt to control my blood sugar,  This is very unsettling as I would have to leave this place if I cant control my blood sugar.Bummer.  Protect the insurance company's behind.  I am the only one in this place that can prove my system works.  All the others are overweight with poorly controlled b/s just waiting to die from some diabetes related illness.  The girl that delivers the food to us from the  kitchen is continually amazed at what she says how young I look. She keeps shaking her head and commenting about how young I look.  I finally asked her today how young and she said 60.  Poorly controlled diabetes can cause a change in looks plus of course if you are overweight you can also look older.  She kinda of nodded to the guy across the table as one who fits.  I better stop or you will think I am boasting.  Overweight and diabetes related illnesses can cause you to move more slowly and of course if you are overweight that in itself will also do it.  You might also think more slowly.  So to see anyone in my condition this girl more a young lady continually to be amazed.

I am seriously thinking of doing this posting by speaking it by looking into the camera.  That way you can judge for yourself.  I never was any good as an on camera reporter.  But for variety I may set things up and do it that way.  Make a little movie out of it. Done right it wont take a lot longer I suppose.   

Thursday, April 10, 2014

taking Kay to the OCB

  We had a good time with Kay today We took her out to OCB and  I would have no worry about her getting enough to eat if she ate like this all the time.  Yesterday I found for some reason she had only one sheet and one blanket on her bed.  Although they keep the temp quite warm there she needs more blankets on the bed.  I told them last night and by this afternoon she had two sheets on the bed but still only one blanket.  For some reason the person who made the bed decided that maybe she wanted only one. I've been visiting there for 8 months almost every day including weekends and know how her bed is made.  You would think that a person who works there making beds would know how to make it too.  Her yellow bedspread is gone too.   I will have to put more effort into finding her missing bedcovers and stop thinking those people there at Cascade will do the job. You would think they could find her yellow bedspread with her name on it.  How many yellow bedspreads do you think there could be in a place like this.  They could check every bed in the place in about 15 minutes  I never paid a lot of attention to what bedspreads she had on it as Peggy supplied the covers which I didn't know about.

Kay was quite talketive today comparitively although it is hard to understand what she is trying to say.  I asked Tom to go back to her room and get her a sweater.  He came back with one that she thought the color didn't match.   I didn't think she cared about these things. She tried to tell us other things but it is so hard to understand. I feel bad when I don't understand what she is trying to say as it hurts to do anything that might make her the least bit unhappy.  So I would like to know what she is trying to tell me.  All in all we had a very good time with her today.  Being so talkative today meant also that she was happy.  I think. 

Wednesday, April 9, 2014


Very normal visit today.  I took her from her bed to the hall and gave her part of a banana and a truffle. I am undecided about giving her more pudding as she did not eat all of the last two.  She may be eating more at the table and is not hungry when  I come.  So I am holding off for a few days until I decide what to do.  

When we finished in the hall I took her outside and we sat on a bench while I held her for about an hour.  As there is no place to hide we were seen by everyone going in or out.  I wonder what they think seeing this old couple holding each other.  Kay seems to like it.  But she may participate in part  to please me. On the other hand there is not much else for her to do.  

7:00 PM  This infuriates me.  When I took her back to her room this afternoon her bed had only one sheet on it and one blanket.  Perhaps two but not the normal ones she usually has on
 it.  I called now and told the person who answered the phone and told her.  She told me that they go around at night and put more on the bed. Does she think I am stupid?  I am going to see her almost every day for 8 or 9 months and have NEVER seen the bed made with one sheet. .  Why did she think she had to lie? Every time I have seen the  bed it has the normal two sheets. What she told me was an absolute lie.  Why?

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Warm day.

first war
 Nice sunny day to visit Kay.  She was not anywhere to be found so I notified the caregiver and she began looking into other rooms and found her in bed in another room.  I took her to the usual place with the iron furniture.  She ate about half a pudding and something else I forget what.  I brought the scales and after taking her to the enclosed area outside I weighed her.  She weighs 92 with her normal clothes on.  She continues to gain weight.  I think that must be from how she is eating now that she is off the puree diet.  Not only that but if they did what I asked they are also giving her more tasty food.   I must talk to them about what they are giving her.  What I am giving her cant be responsible for it I don't think.   Something has to be responsible for her weight gain.   Another big survey has come out in the past few days showing that low salt does nothing to extend your life span.  This is in addition to the CDC survey a year or so ago. 

I think I will start mailing out the DVD's if I have enough.  envelopes.  If not I will have to wait for a little while until Tom comes on Thursday.  In the meantime I am going to start on improving it with my new Sony Movie Maker where it is seriously in need of improvement.  You will note that one of the songs about half way through the music and singer is shrill.  that comes from the fact that I recorded it wrong.  In the meantime I will replace it with a better quality rendition.  I can also do some picture in picture stuff to improve it too.  Hopefully more interesting. 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

The light dawns

 Normal visit today.  Being Sunday she shuttle got me there in decent time.  She was in bed but woke easily and first thing recognized me and smiled.  I took her to the iron furniture and gave her the pudding but she only ate about 3/4 of it.  She ate the truffle however.  I took her to the activity room with nothing going on where we stayed for a while. Then back to her bed were  I finished my stay for today.  

I have finished my  DVD of Kay set to music.  It is about 26 minutes long.   These projects are never done actually because there is always room for improvement and new ideas on how to enhance it.  As I am not the greatest there is room for a lot of ideas.  What stops me is that I get tired of working on it. I suppose any movie maker feels the same. It uses still pictures, and film or video tape.  Anyone who would like a copy free contact me. See how Kay actually was before dementia.  In comments would be one way unless you know me personally.

A little old lady with long stringy unkempt white hair,  she has a bed in the next room to Kay.  To see her you would think she is walking around in a daze. I have never talked to her as she is in a world of her own. I never see her talking to anyone.  I have become more aware of her because sh-e seems to be spending more time in her room on her bed.  Seeing her around the halls does not show me where she lives.  But I have seen her in her bed when I would go into the room to see if Kay was in one of the beds.  So today I saw her in the activity room and when she looked in my direction I waved to her and said hello with a smile. She smiled back and waved to me in return.  It appears the way these people seem going around  in a world of their own is because no one tries to interact with them.  This seems verified when I tell a room full of people "goodbye I will see you tomorrow" and most of them respond in kind. My experience today bears this out  and I intend to do more to make these more aware that others do care about them.  I have no idea if this little old lady has family or friends.  I would think not because if she has, these people would do something for her.  If a person there has visitors and relatives who visit they do not need my help. I intend to do more for the abandoned and lost.  I can relate to that.    About all it takes is to talk to them. I can do that.    Thinking back on recent visits I remember a similar response from patients couple times.  I remember taking  hold of a lady's hand who was sitting next to the isle when I went out  and greeted her.  I never ask how are you.  Once I did that and she had enough mental  capacity to return that she was not good.  I felt so bad about that. But the lady who I greeted seemed so appreciative of someone paying a little attention to her.   They all miss that I am sure.


Saturday, April 5, 2014

Saturday with Kay

 Normal visit today.  The only thing new is that she seems to need increased personal attention  That was expected sometime in the future.   Looks like the future is now. I called the caregiver to take care of her but it works better if I help.  Sad to see her in this condition.  Like many in this condition they resent being handles by someone else.  Usualy she will listen to me but not always.  

She did not eat all her pudding today.  They might be giving her food she prefers and also in the form she likes better than Puree. 

When  left she was at the elevator and the care giver helping me leave her suggested Kay wave goodbye to me from the window.  That worked well as Kay and the caregiver waved to me when I got to the ground floor.  Nice of the caregiver to think of that.  

Friday, April 4, 2014

Kay sleeps I hold her hand.

Sleepy head

I finally wised up and read the various picture settings for my camera.  A sony S6500.  One of the settings, not the largest pixel size, but shaped for a 6x9 TV picture.  The one above of Kay sleeping was taken today.  As you can see it is shaped for a standard 6x9 TV screen.  She wakes so instantly when I see her that she must not be in very deep sleep.  I got there in good time which is about 1 30.  So that gave me about an hour and 3/4 to visit.  I sat lightly on the bed to wake her which she did immediately and smiled when she saw me.  I gave her the pudding, and truffle.  Then for the rest of the visit I just sat in a chair next to the bed and held her hand while she slept.  I didn't want to do more than necessary because this morning when I awoke my back began to kill me from the walking I have been doing.  So all the day I stayed as quiet as possible to give it a chance to heal if it will.  I had a similar problem about 40 years ago and to fix it up I did special back and stomach tightening to help relieve the pain.  I did some today and this afternoon after my rest at Kay's I managed to get home in fairly good shape without the return of the extreme  pain. Maybe this isn't permanent after all.  

The revised version of my video I sent out to a number of people is coming along quite well.  Expect a new and much improved version in a couple weeks.  It will have a dramatic (to me) ending.  If I can pull it off. 

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Normal visit, dirty water

 Everything went well today.  I got there about 1 30 and found Kay in the community room just sitting there with her eves closed.   I took her immediately to out usual place and I gave her a pudding and one truffle.  No more this visit.  She ate both.  A little slow at the end of the pudding. Even though it had started raining when I came in I thought there were two chairs under shelter enough that we could sit outside for a while in the fresh air.  But the wind was blowing enough that  it was getting on the chairs so that scratched that idea.  We went back to her room and I hung out until time to go.  I left her at the elevator door and she accepted my leaving without much of an  attempt to go with me. 

About a month ago the brains in the US beaurocracy decided people living in places like this need some protection from getting scalded from the hot water.  It is set to stay between 105 and 130.   This place has been here about 20 years and I don't  think anyone has been scalded in all that time. But no mind, they were ordered to put restrictors in the hot water taps in the bathroom.  Of course it also restricts the cold water. Yesterday  I told the head (whats the name for female "honcho") That the water was running so slowly that sediment was collecting in the pipes and building up.  No way could that happen she claimed it was coming from the screen in the restrictor. You cant argue with someone who know everything so I just gave up trying to show how it was happening.   Today I looked into the little pitcher I use to boil water for coffee that I make in my room.  It looked like there was a shadow or something on the inside.  I boil the water because I want to rid it of clorine when I make coffee. They must be working on the lines somewhere because the inside was black from dirt or what ever it was.  I took a picture of it and here it is. 

Ictually something in the inside.  My eyes are quite bad and I was not sure until I took the picture.  But here is a picture of the inside. When you get old you get no respect.  I got no respect when  I tried to tell the family that Kay was not eating enough from the type of food they were feeding her.  No, no that is just the way when you get dementia some told me.  You stop eating and die.  Never consider that the foods they are eating there is just contrary from how they ate all their lives and they cant eat the food. How you ate all your life is so powerful that some doctors say it is easier to cure cancer than obesity.  I say that how Kay ate before she moved into the place she is in is the reason why she was losing weight. Mentally she is not capable of adjusting to the diet there.   I may have solved the problem because since I talked to them  about changing her diet she apparently has gained about 3 pounds in the first week. As I said before she always ate like she was starving when we went out to eat at a restaurant.   


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Kay at Cascade

 Long wait for shuttle today so the visit to Kay was fairly short.  I found her walking the halls and took her to the iron furniture and gave her a pudding, truffle most of a banana and half a graham cracker.  then  took her out to the front yard and we sunned ourselves for a while. There I had a guy take our picture for the epic nearly finished.  We went back inside and we watched the TV until a time to go.  We were busy every minute of the visit.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Tuesday Visit

 Relatively shirt visit today account of transportation.  Kay seemed about the same.  She needed cleaning up by the caregiver.  I suppose this is normal for her mental development at this stage.   She ate a pudding, truffle and a graham cracker.  She did not eat all of the pudding.  All but a couple small bites. We went outside to sit in the sun then back to her room then home.  She did not seem concerned about my leaving.   

Monday, March 31, 2014

Monday visit

 It took me forever to get to Kay's place today.  I have a pickup time set for 1 pm.  The bus didn't get there until nearly two.  Other than a short visit it went well. I immediately walked her to the iron furniture place and first gave her a cup of pudding that Tom left yesterday.  She ate it like she was hungry. Then I gave her a  truffle which she ate. These chocolate truffles from Shirley are really tasty.  No wonder some people get addicted to them.   I also got a package of goodies from Shirley today which should last a long time with the remaining truffles she gave me at Christmas.  Since I have changed my pickup time to 3:15 I still had more than an hour to visit.

I am almost finished with  an upgrade version of  the video of Kay and me  that I sent out to a number of people a few weeks ago. It has a shocking ending in a small way I  think. Besides that I have found more video and still pictures to make in better. This was possible because I learned something about using the editing program.  Too bad I did not learn the program years ago.  I am still not very good at it. 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Good ews today

 There is good news tonight.  Kay has gained 2 or 3 pounds this past week on her new eating schedule.  Today she weighed 90.8 pounds.  that is up from 85 a week ago when I weighed her.   So taking into consideration clothing she should have gained 2 or 3 pounds.  They took her off the puree diet and started seasoning her food.  I suggested some foods she would normally eat but I don't know if they are actually giving them to her.  But the point is she is gaining weight.  You can argue with me on the amount but I don't think there is any doubt she is gaining weight.  The clothes she wore today looked like about the same amount she had on the last time. One of the caregivers today said she ate well at lunch but she really tore into the pudding before I could get the spoon to her.  She acted like she was very hungry.  I don't put a lot of faith in what a caregiver tells me in some subjects because I think they are programed to give one kind of answer to certain questions and how a patient eats is one of them.  Besides that I got there just about an hour after her meal.  Sunday transportation was quick today.  We hung out together today until a half hour or so before time to go when we went to the activity room to sit with the others.  I had to leave her there which was not easy for me.  She seemed to take it ok.  She hasn't kissed my had the last couple days or did she seem to want to kiss me goodbye.  I take note of these things trying to anticipate if there is anything  she is losing.  That would indicate a change in her mental state I would think.    

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Return to the 1940's

 I made good time going and coming to see Kay.  They were taking her to her room for some personal attention done several times a day.  After she was done I took her to the metal furniture and gave her the usual truffle.  She had part of a cracker then we went back to her room and hung out together for the rest of the stay. She didn't hesitate to wave goodbye to me so I believe when I leave her if  not in a distracting situation she understands the situation pretty well.  I had intended to go to the 1940's stage show at the theater a block away from where I live Sunday afternoon.  But I got the dates wrong and re-arranged the bus schedule for Sunday so I could go in the afternoon.  Then too late to  correct it for this Saturday afternoon. So I went Saturday  night instead.  No real problem as I could walk either in the afternoon or night.  This show is touring the country apparently although there may be a number of organisations doing this show at the same time.  It is appearing in Seattle too but I don't know if it is the particular band or another organizations doing it too.  .  What it is is a swing band of the 30's with some singers and who double as dancers too. I had no idea what the price would be as I have not done anything like this in 40 years.  I can say that admission was not 40's prices.  I stayed until intermission then left.  The band was adequate but suffered from the usual problem of timing when compared to the real individual bands of the 30's ad 40's.  Even though they played together constantly they practiced, practiced and practiced.  Listen to the bands of that era  to see what I mean.  Also the make up of the band was not identical to the bands that played the music then so the sound and arrangements were not identical. I would have been happier to hear the band without the amplification as it hurt the eardrums besides hiding the real tone of the instruments. No matter how good the PA system it does not equal the tone coming from the instrument. The low lighting in addition to my bad eyesight meant I could not see the stage very good. This is the Temple theater and I hear it is having problems staying open.  I don't doubt that.  I had to sit in a normal chair although it was padded.  In fact I think the chairs were the same as where Kay lives.  

I different experience although I would have to have a good reason to go again. 

Friday, March 28, 2014

Kay on Friday

I thought Oh Oh when I could not find Kay in her usual places. However when I came out of her room and into the hall the Caregiver told me she was up at the end of the hall.  Just past the Community Room the hall makes a 90 degree turn where they have placed a bench and a couple chairs.  She was sitting on the bench where she had never been before.  When she saw me she struggled to get up showing just how feeble she was.  Desperate to hug me for some reason.  She seemed so glad that I was there.  I just wonder if she  had been sitting there just feeling so alone and abandoned. So when she saw me she felt so relieved.  I got her to grasp my walker with both hands which seemed difficult for her to do.  She didn't seem to quite understand how to do it.  After some help from me she succeeded and we went to the iron furniture.  There she ate a truffle and nibbled on a Graham cracker. She likes them but they are hard to eat.  She manages to eat them but she only ate a portion of one.  I offered her part of a banana but I don't think she ate any.  I had also brought a fresh baked muffin but she did not seem to want it either.  For two days now she has not eaten like she was before I had them get her off the puree low salt low flavor diet.  Maybe she just is not hungry.   Next week I will get a new weight measurement.  Going home I didn't leave her in her room but in the hall next to the elevator and in the middle of a crowd.  I don't like to do that as I would like to leave her where I can wish her goodbye without a lot of confusion in the same area.  As the door was closing I think I saw her wave to me. To keep her from trying to get in the elevator I had asked the caregiver to help me leave. That also added to the confusion.  
I greeted Eva from Cascade Gardens Vista my place and she almost always says she is losing her mind.  Her problem is she doesn't know where she is.  She also seems to think she is going to live the rest of her life there. She is probably right about that.  I asked her if she was from  Tacoma.  She said she grew up there and went to grade and high school.  I asked her if she had children but she said she did not know.  So she does not know  if she has children but knows she grew up in Tacoma.  I don't know if that is true or not but that is how dementia works.  She can talk well but she will not be able to find her room.  However she may avoid going into other peoples room as she knows enough to ask where she is supposed to go.  Where Kay does not know that and as a result  goes to the wrong room all the time. 


Thursday, March 27, 2014


 A nice visit today.  Then back to here for the formal dinner.  Tennis shoes for me. But I did put on a tie white shirt and jacket.  Maybe next time I will wear my dress shoes.  I had forgotten all about them. I always wear a white shirt, tie  and jacket for these formal dinners although I don't think anyone but the women dress up.  Even they are quite limited as I don't think anyone here has the shape or money to get too dressed up. Few would have these kind of clothes anyway. I think I might get Tom to get me some better duds for the next one and really shock them.  I play along as they do go to some extra once a month for these events.  The owner shows up too, they get a musician to perform.  The lady at my table says the owners wife has dementia.  I don't know whether to believe her as I thought she said some days ago that she helps her husband out running Cascade.  Anything from a resident can not be believed until it is checked out.  The fairly young girl at out table who talks like Kay does but whose mind seems to work ok was supposed to be attacked by her husband with a baseball bat.  But the two others at my table said that was nonsense.  The caregiver who said that didn't know what she was talking about. 
This event is especially important to the management as they are making a movie of some sort so I suppose it will be a promotion.  As I was one of the few dressed up I got some attention from the camerperson.  I asked  what they used for an editor but I had never heard of it and have promptly forgotten it.  Even the name of the company hired to do the job.  I gave the girl a copy of my latest movie about Kay and background.  Since then I have figured out how to improve it without taking a couple months to do it.  

Kay was not in her usual haunts today so I immedately notified the Caregiver so she could look in the other rooms for her.  There are about a half dozen so it does not take long. Before she could go far another Caregiver was bringing her from some one elses bed.   I don't know if it was a mans or woman's bed.  Very common as I have said. Sometimes when I am with Kay the door to her room is continually opening from patients walking the halls.  Probably lost too.  

I got a chance to talk to the main person today at the dinner as many of the management dress up and walk around talking to the residents.  As they were doing the movie they cleared up the tables of personal items and changed the table cloths.  This is the person who is in charge of what Kay eats.  It sounded from the way she talked that she might not have known this came about because I complained of her losing weight.  She said Kay seemed to be eating better.  I told her to season the food and getting her off the puree would probably go a long ways towards fixing her losing weight problem.  I gave her a couple truffles during my stay and a yogurt which she ate as if she was very hungry.  

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Wednesday Visit

 The visit today was routine.  I found Kay in the community roomvisit awake.  I took her to the iron furniture and gave her a truffle  and part of a banana. We went back to her room and stayed there until I went home. 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I am fortunate

I feel incredibly fortunate tonight.  I wont write about my visit to Kay today as it was quite normal.  What I intend to write about briefly is why I feel fortunate.  So many in their later years live a life brought on by going into drugs and alcohol in their younger years.  I just read an article  hris Hedges in which is normally a blog for exposing the depredations of Government and criminals.  Today it included an article by Chris Hedges  about an interview he had with a recovering addict.  I feel so fortunate that I did not fall into drugs and alcohol.  Perhaps in my younger days drugs was not as plentiful as they are not long after I was young and susceptible to their lure.  My condition as dirt poor in the depression was not something to keep me out of drugs. Shortly after  or during my impressionable later teen years I had developed a hate and fear of addiction.   Alcohol was a different matter but I got out of the lifestyle that would have gotten me into it when I met Kay and I also hated what it had done to my father.  Who, by the way, got out of alcohol dependency.  I encourage everyone to click on the link and read the article. 

I became more anti drugs when I became acquainted with a woman who lost her daughter to drugs.  This woman was on a crusade to fight drugs and asked me to make a slide show on the evils of drugs and it's consequences.  Up to this time in my early thirties I had not had one puff on a marijuana cigarette.  I had never had the desire as I hated being dependent on drugs that mixes up the mind. I had plenty of things to keep my mind busy.  I made the slide show and we showed it at various places including the UW.  Eventually we had done about all we could do which did nothing at all of course and we sort of disbanded out efforts to fight drugs.  During the time that Kay went to Singapore with Edith Brown the woman who I had collaborated with to make the slide show invited me to a party at a friends house. I went and all it was was a party to smoke dope and other things I suppose.  It was here that I took just one puff on a marijuana cigarette.  Just one.  This got a laugh from the onlookers.  But I decided that I would never smoke marijuana.  I thought it  was ironic that the person who had been harmed so greatly by drugs was now into drugs. 

I credit my marriage to Kay and my association with her culture to my ability to keep off drugs and alcohol. I am very fortunate.    

Monday, March 24, 2014

Normal Visit

 Easy back and forth today. She was in the community room participating in a question and answer event.   She does not do anything other tha listen.  After a while I took her to her room and gave her a couple truffles before I took her out and sat in the sun.  Comin back we went to her room and stayed there until it was time to go. It is a little early but I weighed her and she weighed 88 pounds. She was wearing clothes that I am sure weighed more than the other time she was weighed.  I am sure she has not lost any weight and might have even gained a little.  Very little though. 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Eating out

 Bob came down and we took Kay out to eat about 2 pm.  Our test to see how she eats non puree foods is not very good because she is now on a non puree diet and they tell me she ate a lot better at noon.  As we got her about 1 30 she probably was not hungry especially if she ate well at noon.  However she had a salad plate of cottage cheese, fruit, and a couple other items I forget what.  She ate some corn chowder but not a lot.  She seemed to choke a little one time but not a serious one. She then had a regular plate of food which I don't remember what.  They are   giving her a non puree test for 72 hours to see how well she does.  She ate a lot better I think but I will look into it in more detail tomorrow when I have more time and she has been on it longer.  But according to some there she is eating better.  
We brought her home about 3 30 then boB brought me home. 

My room is top right

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Saturday Visit

 The visit today was pretty dull.  I am still working on what to do about her diet.  I have asked them to take her off the puree food.  they actually just give her puree food not because she chokes but takes little pieces out that she cant chew and puts it on her plate or the edge of the table.  Most anywhere.  But this is done not for her benefit but for their benefit.  They just don't want to admit it.  She has even eaten popcorn the past two time I brought it.  Don't ask me how she does it.  I didn't offer it to her I just did not want to refuse her when she asked for it.  I think the nurse was speechless when  I told her.  The past three days she has eaten a pudding which is 6 or 8 oz.  I cant test her for weight loss under their diet if I keep giving her pudding every day.  Tomorrow no as I am out of it.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Eva is moved to Kay's place

 A normal visit today. the usual hassle with the transportation.  Kay was in bed asleep.  I  woke her and gave her the pudding which she did not eat all of it. Then she ate the truffle.  I stayed with her until time to go.  getting home was a hassle.  She went to the bathroom when I was leaving and made a left turn which would take her into the wrong room so I had to straighten her out in that respect.   She would have gone into the wrong bed if I had not been there to direct her to the proper one.  Ho Humm>  I don't know what to do about that.   I met Eva who transferred to Kay's facility today.  She transferred yesterday.  She seemed at a loss of what to do.  Just standing in the hall.  She knows no one yet. She can talk very well but can not find her directions.  That was how it was at the other place.  A very nice person.  when I would ask her something she would answer that she did not know where she was.  I am sure she is in shock from the switch in living places. So sad.  

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I ask for a non puree diet

Good visit with Kay today although it took me forever to get home.  It was the day Tom could deliver my order of supplies today which included some pudding to give to Kay.  He wants to see if she eats it with as much gusto as she did at OCB last time.  The answer is yes.  It was gone in 30 seconds I think.  Also a truffle I gave her.   The sun was out so the first thing I did after giving her the pudding was to take her outside and soak up some sun.  We were protected from any breeze so it was really a good experience.  Afterwards we went back to her room and hung out there until time to go.  

I have gotten an accurate weight on Kay and she weighs 84.4 with her clothes on.  They probably weighed a pound and a half.  This weight indicates a continual downward trend.  I maintained that when I started this exposure that she lost 15 pounds from last June to a couple months ago.  Everybody pooh poohed that claim and did not believe it. When we met with the State of WA social services agent the Cascade represetative gave some figures that showed  she did not lose the weight.  Contrary to what I thought she had lost which was 15 pounds in about 4 or 5 months.  As  I got my figures from the Cascade medical department there was not much I could do to counter that claim.  If the Cascade representative was correct the figure  I got from the same department was either wrong or I got it mixed up somehow. Therefore I had to use other means to determine if she was not eating enough to keep from losing weight.  We got figures from Multcare on on what she weighed when she went to Multicare for treatment but they were inconclusive  as far as I was concerned.  They gave her weight in some instances where I do not remember ever weighing.  Which was over 130 pounds.  Besides I seem to remember her going to the Doctor there and they do not always weigh  her.  Recently it seemed to me that she is continuing to lose weight as her arms are just skin and bones.  I decided that the only thing to do was to monitor her weight and see if she continues to lose weight. So today she weighed  84.4 with her clothes on which is about 5 or 6 pounds less than when this is all started.   

I have contacted the nurse there who handles these things and have asked to change her diet from puree foods to regular food she has been used to eating until she went to Cascade Gardens. I am in the process of making up a list hoping they have enough of variery to give them a try.  They will only do non puree  for 72 hours. I think this is BS by the nurse as it is easier not to puree food than dish it out with all the other food plates.  I find you can get some little white lies from  these people when the truth would do just as well.     I also want them to give her food she likes and not all that stuff from Food Services of America who supplies Cascades  food. For the non puree diet either way should work ok. One important item is to put salt in her food.  Her blood pressure is good so she does not need a low salt diet.  The CDC did a long survey of 40,000 people and found that those on a low salt diet did not live an hour longer than those with normal salt. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Wednesday visit

Rather mundane visit today.  Nothing out of the ordinary. She was in her own bed and after giving her a truffle and graham cracker we went for a walk around the floor in the hall.  We stayed in her room as it was too cold to go outside.  At the normal time I waited for the shuttle which was late.  She seemed to understand I would be back and waved to me as I left.  These daily visits from me may prepare her for the time I am not there.   

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Tuesday. Is she hungry?

 Made it over to see Kay today in good time.  I took her to the iron furniture and after the truffle we went to her room and stayed there.  the only thing going on was on the second floor were they were having bingo games.  Kay can not do bingo. I wonder if her being sleepy a lot i due to the possibility that she is hungry. When you are asleep you do not feel the hunger.  My appeal to fa

mily members and a friend or two did not go well  in my direction.  Everyone had an explanation that explained the loss of weight, and increase of being feeble.  So if anything gets done it will be on my own.  

I woke her to give her a last truffle and say good bye for today.  

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Wrong bed again

 The caregiver indicated she was in her room so I headed there.  When I arrived a call light was on for some room which number I could not read because of my  bad eyesight.  The I heard some nurse on the radio tell the third floor to check room 305 for assistance.   I went into the fore room and looked in the left side where she usually goes and although it had been left messed up she was not in it.  I went to her bed and it had been slept in but she was not in it.  At that time I had an inking that the room that need assistance might be because of her.  True enough.  When I went out into the hall the caregiver was leading Kay down the hall towards her room.  I told her "Kay, you gotta stop getting into other peoples beds."  It will take more than that.  

I took a look at the room where the guy who  hit her stays and found that they had just put a warning siren and not a lock.  If he leaves the alarm will go off

As  I was not very early and she was sleepy I just stayed with her in her room until time to go.  

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Dull visit today

 Very dulI l visit today.  Kay was asleep in the Community room sitting up.  I woke her and took her to hall with the iron furniture but someone was already sitting there so I took her back to her room.  A caregiver came in and got her up to take her to the bathroom and clean her up.  I am not very fond of the opposite sex doing these jobs for the patients.  They are usually a minority too as they seem to concentrate in these kind of jobs.  I think this is just part of the effort to destroy the European culture going back over a thousand years. When he brought her back she got back into bed and seemed so sleepy I let her sleep.  A couple times I asked her if she wanted to go outside and get some sun but she said now so I just stayed with her until it was time to go.  As the shuttle got there in reasonable and as I have set back the pickup time to 3:15 PM I had almost an hour and 45 minutes to visit.  Too long to just do nothing even though I was tired too.  Tomorrow if it is not raining I will just get her up and we will sit outside in the sun for a while and if it is not pleasant enough to sit outside we will see if there is anything to participate in going on inside. They reduce activities on week ends.  Maybe there will be someone playing and singing or other things to entertain the patients. You cant but help see how feeble she is when she tries to get up from a chair. 

It's funny to see the LPN's here try to watch TV while dispensing medicine.   The lure of television is almost like a drug.  They have their drug supplies on one side of an isle and behind them is a room with a television for people who don't have one or do not want to watch it alone. It can be closed off with a sliding folding door.  But while they are loading syringes or other drugs they continually are looking over their shoulders to keep up with what is going on.  There are only a couple who do that.  Because it is well knows about fatal accidents with  drugs errors caused by doctors and hospitals you would think they would prohibit that when dispensing  drugs.  That is the ultimate multitasking.    

Friday, March 14, 2014

Just sleep today

Not a lot going on today.  Shuttle was late,  Kay was dressed but in bed.  When I bumpted it she woke up.  I asked if she wanted to go out for a walk but she said no.  I gave her a truffle and graham cracker then just let her go back to sleep. That is what I did all the time I was there today. I watched Arts channel and rested.  I woke her to tell her I was going home and would be back tomorrow

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Nothing much today

 My visit with Kay today was very ordinary.  Getting there was fairly good.  I got there by 1:30.   I noticed that the big guy who walked the halls with women has been moved to the 2nd floor which is the main floor.  Already he has found a partner to walk the halls with.  There is nothing but walking the halls with someone I think.  It is strange though.  I found Kay in the bed on the left room when you go into her room.  I got her into her bed and gave her a truffle.  Then I got her into her shoes and heavy coat to take her outside and sit in the sun.  I did not need a coat as it was fairly warm.  After quite awhile  took her back to her room and we stayed together until it was time to go. She had on her all red outfit from Dianne.  She was sleepy but managed to wave to me as I left.  I was there about 1 hour and 45 minutes.  the longest time with her for a long time.  It has been more like an hour.  

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Showers and daily visits

 A rather mundane ordinary trip today but there were a coupe things of interest. I got to the place, got a coat on her then took her outside to sit in the sun.   I did not need one as it was quite warm.  the maintenance man who is new there complemented me on coming to see Kay every day. I am quite sure he is no doubt a good family man if it impresses him that much.  Most people don't say anything.  As I told you a couple days ago how much Kay is terrified by showers.  I called I think it was night before last and talked to a nurse there and she said she would fix it up so Kay would take sponge baths because of her distaste for showers.  I went in to the nurses station to make sure they had the message.  This was the first they knew of my concern.  Fortunately the person who assigns methods of dealing with treatment and handling of patients was there to listen to me.  Of course they knew of Kays reaction to showering and suggested that instead of just sponge baths they start with a shower and if she is not in the mood (my idea) that they use the sponge bath then.  That is a good idea as apparently her (and others) reaction may vary depending upon her mood.  I feel much better about this now that someone in authority has done something about the situation.  My question is why did the nurse I talked to the other night say she was going to do something then did nothing?  This seems to be the prevailing atmosphere around places like this.  Did the nurse I talked to the other night just figure she didn't have to say anything because how would I know she didn't do what I asked?  I had never talked to this nurse before and maybe she did not know I go there every day and was bound to find out?  If I went only once a week maybe I would not know.  But I go every day.   I do not know this nurse but her voice is distinctive.  I have never heard it before.  This seems to be the attitude.  They deal with people if in their right mind very naive and inexperienced in dealing with the real world. The attitude you come up against is that they think they can get away with telling a lie if they think necessary when dealing with the kind of people there and at a regular Assisted living establishment. This is really disappointing.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Aspects of living in an assisted living facility.

 When  I got to Kay's place today she was not in any of her usual haunts.  Community room, Activity room, her bed or bedroom, or the hall.  From this there could be no other conclusion.  She was in someone elses bedroom.  There was a nearby Caretaker so I told him she was not around.  He immediately started looking into nearby rooms.  the first one was the next one up the hall and he found her in bed.  I didn't check but I think this is a mens room.  When she came out she was still in her nightgown with no slippers.  She had somehow gone into this room and gone to bed. When I find  her still in her nightgown at two o'clock in the afternoon I immediately wonder if she ate breakfast and lunch.  The caretaker said she had eaten but this raises the question how did she go eat in her nightgown?  They will not   force a patient to get dressed but she would not normally go to meals in a nightgown.  Naturally she was glad to see me and after a while I got her dressed and took her outside to sit in the sun.  It is not very comfortable as the only places to sit are iron furniture.. Either iron chairs or an iron bench.  
but the sun was warm if out of the breeze so we enjoyed more than a half hour in the sun.  After a short time to visit her after being outside I told her the usual I have to go home  but I will be back tomorrow.  
She took it quite well so I went on downstairs.  

Yesterday she objected strenuously to taking a shower.   She was terrified at the process.  She had such a terrible look on her face when she saw me.   It just makes me so sad to see her so terrified.  She calmed down right away after seeing me.  I called last night about 9:30 and asked the nurse on duty to not give her showers any more.  She told me they do not have any bathtubs in the place.  Showering  is a common problem   there. Not just with Kay.  The only alternative is a sponge bath.  As difficult as it is it looks like that is the way Kay should get her baths in the future. The nurse agreed with me to give her sponge baths in the future. I've got to check with the others there to make sure the facility gets the message.  It takes two caregivers to give a shower.

It looks like the guy that hit Kay the other day that he is locked in his room.  It appeared the other day that they were installing a warning speaker if he does something he should not.  I saw two women caregivers go into his room today then shortly after a man caregiver also went in.  I have no idea what was going on. There was no noise.  I know his name but not what he looks like.  I am sure I know him because before the incident with Kay I think he was allowed in the normal population so I would have seen him.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Showers are terrifying

 Today when I arrived for my daily visit Kay was being dressed by two Caregivers after given a shower.  When she saw me she had an expression of terror on her face.  She rushed to me and clung to me until I could calm her down. There is something about a shower that freaks her out.  A previous shower was the same. The day I saw her in the process of getting one when I noticed her loss of weight.   There is something about a shower that is extremely distressing.  The spray, their attempt to soap her.  Something there she can not tolerate.  I asked a Caregiver if she ever submits willingly.  The Caregiver said no.  I am sure that is why they require two caregivers to give a shower.  She always took a bath at home.  

We went and lay on her bed after she finished getting dressed.  After a while I got a sweater, heavy overcoat, my ugly knit hat and garden like gloves on her and went outside and sat in the sun and occasional breeze. Her hair was probably still a little wet.

More time in her room and when  I told her I had to go home she indicated it was ok. I cant remember what it was she did.  But she even waved to me before I got my coat on so she was comfortable with my leaving.  Being with someone who does not require anything is very calming I think. 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Back to Kay after one day mis.

 Yesterday I was stood up by the shuttle.   I got to the waiting area a few minutes before the 1 pm pick up time and after a while I called in to find out if I still was on for a pickup.  I was assured that it was almost there.  well I have heard that song before so after a reasonable amount of time I called again and was then told after she had checked her computer that I had no pickup scheduled.  She was supposed to have checked the computer before. 
so after an hour of waiting they woke up to the fact that they messed my schedule up and I would not be able to go see Kay.  Everyone lies if they think you are too senile or stupid to catch them at it.  

Today transportation was quite good and I got there about 1 25.  I had changed my pickup to   return at 3:15 so when I was late arriving I would at least have nearly an hour with Kay.  

Today she was walking the hall.  I took her to her room and gave her a couple truffles then a little later got her heavy coat on her and took her outside to sit in the hazy sun.  It was not very cold for the NW.  We had spent some time together before going outside so after sunning ourselves it was about time for me to think about coming home.  Leaving was hard as when I told her I was going home she still wanted to get up and go where ever I was going.  I took her to her room and offered to leave her there but she wanted to go with me.  I took her back to the Community room and even though  I quite strongly told her I would be back she still seemed to want to go with me.  Those times are hard to live with. I don't think she understands.  although she almost always waves goodbye to  me if I wave to her. Remember Karma

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Shuttle people lie again no ride today


No visit to see Kay today.   I got down in the waiting room then waited quite a while then called the shuttle and was told it would be there in 5 or 10 minutes.  20 minutes later it still had not come so I called again.  Sharon said she had miss read and I did not have a shuttle coming. I wish someone would tell me how someone could misread a schedule that was not there. On top ot that I did  not have a ride scheduled for any week end. Only during the week.the only thing they did get right was the time pickup change from 3 to 3:15.  What a lying bunch of incompetents.  It is impossible to read a schedule that isn't there.  She told me it was coming but obviously that is just a stock answer to keep from having to do something.They no doubt do get inquiries from a lot of people  that not doubt puts them to considerable work. I just wish they would not lie.  Why not answer something like.  "wait a few more minutes the window is still open.  Anything but lying because as the bible says, 'be sure your sins will find you out.".  It did say that didn't it?   I offered a free lunch at the OCB to bob and penny if he would come down.  I am not holding my breath. I will keep on my video project. 

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Nothing unusual today

 I had a little less than an hour at Kay's today. I looked in all the usual places and finally found her walking the hall.  I took her to the iron furniture where I gave her a truffle.  Before coming upstairs to see Kay I stopped at the Nurses station to ask they stop giving her the antidepressant.  To see if her belligerant attitude decressas.  Dianne thought her outbursts were due to medication.  The nurse didn't think much of the idea. I am looking for Kay's teeth to see if we can get a better fit. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Kay got mad today

Kay got into an altercation with another person at the entrance to her room.  The caregiver told me today  there was a group outside her door it seems and for some reason Kay started hitting out an another lady.  The caregiver thought she was trying to keep her from entering Kay's room.  The lady has been known to come into Kay's room.  This happened in the morning and I didn't get there until 1:30.  When I did get there Kay was in someone elses bed in the adjacent room.  I got her up and into the hall where I give her a truffles. There wasn't much to do. I suggested to a caregiver that perhaps Kay was irritated because she was hungry. The caregiver said that was not a factor here because she ate well at breakfast and all of her lunch.   However I would take that with a grain of salt and expect to be verified. Caregivers have training on how to treat relatives and make them feel good.  Like knowing their names and always greeting the, with a smile. So whether irritation from hunger was a factor I don't know.    If you are in pain or irritated you do not always treat people the same as when you feel good.  Yesterday I took a picture of Kay and showed her arms just skin and bones.  I have been thinking   the next time one of the boys comes to take her out to the OCB I am going to ask the Caregiver to put a brassier on when she gets dressed.  I haven' t seen her without her clothes on but they seem to be very reduced in size from before she went into Cascade.  Cascade is not deliberately underfeeding her but they are feeding her what she does not want to eat and does not eat, I suspect. A fat person will live longer in a famine than a skinny person.  Your body uses the fat up first then starts using the protein in their organs.  When it gets down to a certain level the person dies. Kay does not have much more to lose before she gets to this stage.  She does not have much fat to go on. They are so used to people wasting away then dieing and Kay is just another unfortunate person to them.  I saw this in Gene Hemry but did not realize what was going on.     So the enevitable is ahead.  Up to now I have felt that Kay would outlive me because her vital organs were in good shape. But if she continues to lose weight I think that  will be a big factor in whether she lives or dies.  So unnecessary if only they would feed her what she wants to eat. I don't think a person can be around dementia people for years without developing a certain fatalistic  outlook about the people in their care.  They can not get emotionally involved in their patients. It would drive them insane. Kay is not just another patient to me.  She is my wife and I want her as comfortable and expect her to be taken care of properly.  Letting her continue to lose weight is not an option. This aggressiveness may be due to her continually hungry and losing weight.  

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Dressed poorly

 Visits have become fairly routine except for getting there and back.  I have to be ready to leave at 1 pm because the buss may arrive then.  However it many times like today gets to me after 1:30 so I may not get to the destination by 2 pm.  If  I get there after 2 I usually call in and request a later than 3 pm pickup to give me more time with Kay.  That happened today. going back home is the same  but not as frequently.   Just now I am thinking it is a good idea to make the pickup time 3:30 P

Kay was in the Community room when I got there.  Dressed in  an outlandish combination of clothes.  I combed her hair. I thought she was less understanding than she usually is.  I took her to the hall where I gave her the usual truffle and part of a banana. I had the maintenance man put on her watch I had Tom replace the battery in.  I also inscribed the watch with my drivers license number which I notice expired in 2011.  Oh well, I only drive the walker anyway.  I took her other watch to inscribe home with me.  The battery is working in it and it is keeping time.  It is a more fancy watch than the other one. When she got tired of sitting in the hall she just got up and started down the hall with my walker.  I suppose going back to her room.I guess she was just tired of sitting in the hall.  Besides these are iron chairs and with her lack of flesh on her bones may be uncomfortable.   I went to her room for a while then had to go home.  
Notice how skinny her arms are. 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Kay has a cold

I made the trip to see Kay today.   I was recovering from a slight cold yesterday and did't go.  To be on the safe side I decided to wear a mask when in her room today.   She has a cold  but did not seem in too much distress.  Just a runny nose although there was a coughing spell when I first got there.  I just sat next to her until it was time to go.  I looked next door and saw the name of the guy who hit Kay.  I don't know what he looks like yet.  
 In Happier days

Saturday, March 1, 2014

No visit today

 No visit today to Kay.  I have been vacillating between feeling good or feeling like I have a cold.  Early this morning I cancelled the shuttle pickups. I will resume tomorrow. 
I changed my table in the dining room and I think I may have gone from the frying pan into the fire.  The person there seems to talk all the time.  As I was the only one there I had to be the brunt of her talk.  In the morning I will bring my laptop and spend my time on it. Hope she will shut up. 

Friday, February 28, 2014

Kay Assaulted Today

 It looks like Kay was assaulted today at the facility. This was reported to me by the head nurse.  I had been outside in the sun sitting with Kay enjoying the springlike weather.  It is definitely warming up although we are not entirely out of the woods. I took Kay back to her room and there the Nurse told me that a caregiver was in a nearby room when she heard someone scream.  She rushed out and saw one of the men in a boxers stance with fists raised Kay said ''he hit me. She pointed to a spot on the left side of her head near the temple.  I took a look but could not see a bruise.  The nurse said they had been  adjusting his medication in an effort to  reduce the tendency towards anger. What caused the incident no one no one  but from the evidence I am convinced it did happen.  From the location they might have been approaching from different directions which required one or the other to give way.  First the scream, the  two the raised fists.   Kay has a difficult time speaking unless there is some sort of an emergency.  Which this was. So she was able to say what had happened.  
This is an isolated incident and they go to great lengths to avoid things of this sort.  They always report    out of the ordinary events.  

It was so sunny and warm I took Kay outside and sat in the sun for at least a half hour.  

When it was time to go I went to the elevator which is near the entrance to the community room where there were several waiting to get in.  Unfortunately there was one guy trying to come out but was pushing a char instead of a walker.  there was a woman outside trying to direct traffic.  She was a patient.  She told the  lady in front of me not to go in because the guy with the chair instead of a walker wanted to get out.  This didn't make much of an impression on the lady trying to get in  At that time a caregiver came by and I asked her to sort things out.  She was not from this floor but agreed anyway.  By this time the resident directing traffic said  "to hell with this, I'm  getting out of the crazy place.  I am going to bed".  


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Fun at Cascade Gardens

A different and fun visit to see Kay today,  I was catching cold yesterday and I did not go see her.  Today I felt so much better I took a cab to see her because I had canceled my shuttle because of the oncoming cold. 

It seemed so warm and sunny I took took Kay outside the building and we sat in the sun for a while and I fed her a roll and truffle.  When we went back in I was told they were having an entertainer come and perform.  I decided to stay and see what it was all about.  The entertaainer was setting up a synsethiser and accordian.  His name was Charley Brown.  The same as Kay's uncle who founded George Washington.  

Even though you might not think people in these straits could appreciate it,  it seems that music is something they never forget.  For  his first piece he said he would play the first 3 notes of a song and if any  of us could guess what it was.  I immediately guessed Harbor Lights which was correct.  From then on he played for an hour and they liked it so much the were out on the floor dancing away having a great time. Boogie woogie, swing.  Some of them at least.  I took some video but do not choose to show it until I can blur faces for privacy reasons.  I don't know much about that function of editing so may not show it tonight because I am not able to blur faces yet. But it was a wonderful experience to see these old people out on the floor.  Some hardly able to move.  One woman who had palsy and never changes her expression dancing. I was amazed at the fun they were having. I mainly took pictures of the entertainer because of the problem of privacy.  

I don't know what was going on in Kay's head for when it was done she did not want to leave.  I managed to take her up to her floor but she did not want me to leave.   I would say "I will see you tomorrow but she kept saying "no no"I don't know what was in her mind but somehow managed to get away.  It is not easy to leave when she doesn't seem happy that I will be coming back tomorrow. 

I hope I can get this blurring of faces problem overcome so I can show it.  If I get lucky tonight I might even get it u

p however I don't want to stress myself and have a relapse with this cold. 

she does not seem happy'

Monday, February 24, 2014

 I waited for an hour and no shuttle showed.  I called and they said there was none scheduled.  I called Roger the cab driver and he took me to see her.  The caregiver said she had a cold.  I went in and gave her the muffin I had savedfrom breakfast, but she didnt eat it like    not eaten.  After a little while I decided I had better get a mask if I could find one which I did with a caregiver.  So I put it on and sat with Kay in a chair next to the bed for a while then called Roger back and to come and get me which he did a half hour later.  I did give her a couple truffles while I was there.  I was with her yesterday during the gestation period of her cold   so whether I can avoid catching her cold time will tell.  It was a short visit but she smiled when she waved goodbye so she was happy with my visit looks like. 

Kay's weight

 Looks like  I am on my own in my efforts to get food that Kay will eat so she does not continue to lose weight and strength.  Which will eventually  put her in a wheel chair or a bed in a rest home.  Out of sight out of mind also the desire not to make waves   Just take what they give and think they know best. This could get me disowned I suppose but  I would wish that anyone who has been reading what I have been posting would go and look in a mirror and see how much weight they are losing. Also why they are not losing any. 
You have a good day. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Kay loses more weight.

 Lots of news today some I can divulge only to family and close friends.  But first what happened on the way.  I was picked up about 15 m utes early and I thought that by early I would have a nice long visit with Kay.  We went in that general direction but then we turned off and stopped loading on a guy with a walker, the  a totally handicapped lady who by the way she talked was related to the guy who got on. Kinda bossy.  The lady looked considerable younger than the man but she was in a power scooter that cost as much as our first house I am sure. She was almost supine.  Laying almost flat with her legs at the level of her upper body. Most ogf you have been in hospital beds with your legs elevated and your upper body elevated too.   They were wrapped in a blanket tied so it could not come loose. Circulation must have been awful to require this treatment.  Her hair was not brown but not actually blond either.  It as long and stringy not having being combed. She could turn her head but I don't think anything else.  
They were accompanied by a caregiver whom the lady kept turning her head to talk to like she was talking to me..     Finally we got to my destination and I began to get off.  Then I was told that the man was also getting off as he also lived there.   I was also told that she was bringing him back to the facility.  Looks like she got him out for the week end and was bringing him back after the vacation.  I would do that for Kay if I could figure out how to do.  iit.

Kay seemed hungry today and kept wanting truffles.  I altogether gave her 3 or 4 plus a couple graham crackers.  She is down to 86 pounds so is not eating properly even though she goes to the dinners and lunches.  That is down

3 or  4 pounds from about a month ago.