August 25, visit

I went to see Kay today as usual.    I got off  the elevator  that opens on a hall.  I saw Kay walking along the hall holding onto the hand rail. When she saw me she turned loose of the rail and rushed to me so glad to see me.  It seemed to me she had an awareness that she was in a place separated from family and I was the one that represented the other life she was now missing.  I can't get over her loosing her sanity, what was left, after we took her back to the institution from visiting Krispy Kreme a few days ago.  I was afraid  this would trigger the same reaction if she hated the place so much.  She did start telling me that she wanted to go.  This is what she was saying the day she lost control after our we came back from Krispy.  This worried me because I did not want it to happen again.  I asked her where she wanted to go suggesting places like to the bathroom, bed, a walk, her room, never  wanting to say "home" in case it might give her hope.  Something I might have to deal with when  I left. Finally I screwed up my courage enough to say "home?" and sure enough she said "yes" Now what do I  do?  I think I told her something about I could not take her home but eventually we changed the subject.  Periodically she would come back with the question until I left.  Before I left however we went out on the patio while she was still asking about going somewhere. She liked the graham cracker and toffee I gave her which she ate while we held hands.  Soon it began to sprinkle so I took her outside on the ground floor to a table where we sat under an umbrella.  We then went up to her room where I turned on the TV and we   lay on the bed until I decided to leave.  How she was going to take it worried me.  Somehow I managed to get her to understand and that I would be back tomorrow and she seemed to accept that fact.  

I am beginning to think that these people may have "home" ingrained in them but does not get a chance to express itself,

So what do we do.  Taker her out and remind her she has family and home?  Or do we leave her alone to forget her past.   If she goes out she might have a few minutes of happiness.  If not all she has is walking the dreary hall or sitting in a room with other people like herself. Mute, staring across the room thinking of nothing.  Is that what we want?  I don't