I'm an incurable romantic

 You see, this is my problem.  Some would ask "Just one?". I am an incurable romantic.  Since I was a young boy  and got interested in music, music can create emotions in me as it will in anyone who is not tone deaf. The right music does that to me.  Because of this I am creating a movie of Kay and me  and putting it to some of the music of "The Phantom of the Opera." Don't worry Andrew  Lloyd Weber" it is a private collection just  for me to see.   But when you put pictures of Kay who creates emotions in me and the music which also creates emotions it makes me love her all the more.  

When it does this however it does not allow me to accept our present situation.  Where she is there and I am here.  I would have to forget her to do this and creating a movie about us is not the way to do it that.  Do I even want to do that even if it gets me out of this torment? I don't think that can happen until I die.  If she died I don't think it would help. Only those who love deeply or have been in love as long as we have can understand. The reason I say if she died it would not necessarily help.  As I said before, I thought I was emotionally able to handle emergencies, that might happen to her.  That it would not cause a bad reaction in me.  But the night the facility called me about a minor incident and I answered the phone, and they said it was the Assisted Living facility it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.  So if there is a call about her in serious condition it will no doubt be a big incident for me to handle. That is something for the future and no one has the answer.