Active Day for Kay

 Active Day activities 

Kay and Doyal

Leaving Kay after being with her for the afternoon is not any easier than when I leave her where she lives.  Today she came to something called Active Day which is for people with dementia who are given physical and mental  therapy.  For some reason they have not brought her to it before today which is in the same building my room is here. It is a program to  improve the mind and body with exercise.  they do crafts and what all I do not know as I have only seen it today.  It seems to be a good program but I think it is an hour maybe two too long. They probably start prep at one PM and get home about 6:30.  that is entirely too long without a rest for people in her condition .  Begins at 2 when they arrive here and ends when they return at 6 PM so it is a long day. They probably actually start getting ready at 1PM. I assisted Kay in doing the things they had for the participants which probably got her doing them much better than if she was alone.  They did really good exercises and took a walk to the other end of the building which is almost a block long. They served dinner then they loaded them on buses for the return trip.  

As Kay continues to get worse I don't know how I will be able to handle it.  Frankly it is a terrible thing to watch.  It's out of sight and out of mind as the rest of the family leave it up to me.  Mainly because they are so far away.  It is hard to get deeply involved when you are as far away as they are. so....It's my baby.
Tonight I started watching a DVD from Netfflix "The Charge of the Light Brigade".  But I cant keep thinking of Kay at the Active Day today.  I don't know if it is a good thing or not.  She seemed to get involved in the activities along with me.  Whether she would if I were not there I don't know.  What really makes me feel really depressed is when they got her coat on to take her to the Shuttle she either did not hear or understood the caregivers direction which way to go.  She seemed to take leaving me pretty well.  But the ability to go where she was told without being actually taken by the arm and directed that direction is a great shock to me.  
 Whether the time spent going and coming and the activity  is a good thing or whether it is better for me just to take the time to go and be with her every day is better.  That is something she can expect and perhaps anticipate is better for her. I have not decided it is.  It is nice to go, see her, be with her, then wish her goodbye  and she accepts my visits and truffles.  It is a routine in her day.  They have events there at Cascade that she can participate in.  If I tell Cascade to not bring her to Active Day they may think I am not grateful for bringing her were I can spend the afternoon but I want to do what is best for Kay.  If I were just able to be with her for the afternoon maybe that would be best.  Being in Active Day somethig is going on all the time that is the focus and it is not the same.  Also it is a long afternoon and she can not get a moment to relax.  She can go to her room when she is at the Gardens. and  take a nap. That is important.  In fact I'm not sure her ability to recognize me is extended one day with the activities at Active Day over activities at Cascade Gardens.  They may have gone to some trouble to get her where where I can be with her all afternoon but whether it is worth the cost I must seriously think about.  I may let it go one more time but at the moment the pressure of doing things all afternoon I am inclined to  say is  not worth it. I feel more sad tonight about seeing her leave tonight than I have felt for a long time. So in spite of the hassle of going by shuttle every day to see her,  there is a satisfaction of being with her and the pleasure it gives her and the expectation of my coming.   . Her happiness is more important than mine so I   think I will have them discontinue the Active Day events.  The more I go over this today the more I am convinced I should discontinue it without any more trips here to  Active Day. For some reason coming to a conclusion makes me feel better.  I can look forward to my usual visit tomorrow and thereafter. 



73 years of wedded bliss coming up Feb. 14