The big problem I have about taking care of Kay is with her dementia it is hard to know what to do about it when she is in pain and asks for help and I don't know what to do. Usually it is because of a migraine headache. She had them for years. Actually decades. In spite of my determination to take care of her when she asks for help from me or God I have to finally decide I can not keep listening to her begging for relief from her pain. When she continually asks for help I can not keep listening but go to another room. Even there it is not completely away from her plea because I will still hear it through the door. No one but Tom actually knows the situation because the others are in a place isolated from us. Not their fault but away nonetheless. I just hope they never have to go through this. But it seems that every ending is different. We all go through it One way or another. We should give Tom credit for doing the job and the others do not have to do it instead.
In the number of times I went through it with Kays folks or Geneva Hemry I was concerned about how I was taking care of them but I do not think I actually did much thinking of what Gene or Frank was going through mentally themselves at the time. Maybe I could have done a better job if I had thought more about it.
I still dread sending Kay to an institution
but I just can not handle her constant plea for help. It brings out too many bad thoughts I should not think. I might not be able to handle if I keep going through it. It is a lot easier if it not your responsibility to just say "Put her away" But if you have been married for over 70 years in the light of reflection it is not that easy. It is a horrible decision to make. I wonder how I will handle it when the time actually comes for us to part. Everyone I know has up to now said it is the right decision. But they are not making it. I am making it.
No comments:
Post a Comment