Friday May 16

 Yesterday I stopped and asked what I can expect of the progression of Kay's dementia at the nurses station.  I talked to the head nurse expecting as she had probably seen  many  people with dementia pass through her care.  What I found was that I am probably well up on what will happen.  She was surprised that I had taken care of her for 10 + years.  That is a good long time for someone with dementia to live.  I am still convinced that where Kay is now in her progression is because I keep in constant contact and try to keep her from the lonesomeness she would feel if abandoned. Jean Stay and Betty Brown died within just a few months after they were taken from their familiar surroundings and relatives and put in institutions.  Observing the people there where Kay is convinces me that even though some seem to have been there for many more months than Kay has they do not lose their desire to get out of the place.  I suppose they want to go home. Of course this means they are missing their family and home. I can remember when I was just a little boy how homesick and lonesome I was for my dad whn he had to leave me at camp while he picked apricots over on the coast.  In those days, in the depression, family conditions were such if measured by todays standards would get a child taken by the state for neglect.  But dad was my dad and he was my life my food supply and family.    So unless a parent did something like beating or mistreating  a child I think a kid will love their parents no matter what. Dad never did that and only spanked me once when I tried to go up into the woods there near Yosemite where we lived.  I had tried to follow my older brother into the woods after dad told me not to because there were bears there.  It didn't amount to much as he did it will I was trying to outrun him going back to the house.  I was probably about 4 or 5. That was the only time.  I must have really frightened him when he saw me following Loyal and his friends into the woods becausse this was the only time he spanked me. I don't think he spanked the other kids either.  This is just outside Yosemite about 7 miles on the highway to Fresno.  This is high up and forest area. It was called Sugar Pine and now it is just a summer vacation place to stay in summer homes.  For entertainment we used to ride the RR work cars that you pump up and down to make them go   into town to see a movie.  We had to walk coming home because it was uphill.  Of course I was too sleepy to walk and Dad would have to carry me on his back.  This was were there had been a forest fire a week or so ago and I and some friends were playing in the burnt area when I fell down.  But in falling down I put my hands down to brake the fall but there were still hot embers under the surface and I badly burnt my arms.  One of my aunts had to come up and take care of me.  I think it was this time that Mother was down in Merced at the hospital with my younger brother who was seriously ill. Kids will love their parents no matter how poor a parent is  unless the child is abused.

I told the nurse when leaving that I didn't know how I would be able to handle it at the end if Kay dies before I do.  Which there is no guarantee of course.    No pictures the past two days because I forgot the camera both days.